1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 7

[Train]

Sorry, mdu, I may have been typing when you created your new thread. I'll pull this over from there:

Just chiming in with my .02:

mdu, maybe it would be easiest to pull back for a second and think of it like this: you're still supposed to be in re-attraction mode. You're not necessarily in the stage of your M/S where you guys are actively and deliberately committed to "working on things," right? Or did I miss something?

Too much "heavy" stuff too soon, like the guys said, is not a good move.

You'll have many opportunities to work on those heavy issues once H is fully re-committed.

In the meantime, ask yourself if your goal is to try to foster more communication with H because that's something your relationship was missing and he received from OW *or* if you're trying to ask questions (under the guise of fostering more communication) but you're really fishing for information/answers/assurances and/or nudging H.

If you're trying to open the door for more communication, definitely start out with MUCH lighter talks than R or OW talks. You want your conversations to attract H back to the M, not make him feel awkward or cornered. Any mention of the A - whether the WAS admits it or not - brings up a lot of shame and guilt in them. And I think it's way too early for you to put a mirror (or microscope) in front of H at this stage; he's probably doing enough of that himself.