Keeping it real

[25yearsmlc]

Ok. Up virtually all night in pain and even despair. Can't see a way forward. All roads look like oceans of pain and heartbreak, and things I've always wanted to believe in like love and commitment all seem like broken illusions.

Now my STBX calls. Asks for a phone number but she basically admitted she wanted to let me know that she stopped drinking. She said she realized that she had been running from being alone and using drinking/men to cover that up. She said she is getting professional help with her psychiatrist and making better choices. Starting a couple of new hobbies. Etc. she said I should know as it pertains to me knowing the children would be safe.

This is a HUGE relief! I believe your wife has been ill and having a major depressive episode so I'm very glad she's getting help. Thank God. You are allowed to be happy about this!

I tried to validate as best I could. Related to her where I could, told her I was glad that the clouds were starting to break through. Agreed that it wasn't easy for her but was supportive that she was on a road that would lead her into a better spot.

I would think you're happy about this, right? I mean, validating these choices has to be a lot easier than validating the other times, right? This getting help is mandatory for her and for your family's wellbeing.


First contact by her since the incident. I am staying super dark but will respond warm when she is warm to me. This incident gave me a little hope.

Yes I can see why.


Not anything short term as I know her mind is made up in her head



You "know" no such thing ^^and neither does she. Stop the mind reading..yikes, after all these weeks...you have to stop it or you will go nuts.


and she can't see getting past the hurts of the past.

anything there seem familiar to you? You both have forgiveness work to do. Worry about her sandbox LATER and stay in your sandbox to do your work.

Make sense? I don't know all the steps you two have to take to get to a pont where you are co parenting, let alone reconciling But both of you working on yourselves is KEY to any progress. So don't keep looking at her box...just look at yours. IT's the only one you control and besides, by you setting an example of change, you'll give her hope to do the same.

But if she has the character to course correct maybe she can do so again in the future. That said, I'm starting to see how long the road would be even if that's not possible. For the first time I can really get how this could take years. So I'd better take care of myself!

Indeed you must take care of yourself and those children of yours, &

keep on keeping on.