I usually just read but read your post and said had to respond. I haven't read the beginning posts since I didn't take all that time to find them. Been quite busy but I thought I would say a few things.
This isn't about you...its him. He is looking for someone to accept his drinking and do as HE wants. But you will, no matter what, feel slighted if you do it all. To me its cowardly to leave like that. Mine would threaten it too if he couldn't get it all his way.
Mine drank but can't now since he is in jail. That is hitting it rock bottom. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. It takes time away to feel what it is like without them putting you down and discrediting everything you do. You will feel the need to try and get him back ASAP. I can't blame you. But that is codependency on your part. Why people like us are like that and need someone there to put what we do down is beyond me. We need a partner in life that lifts us up not a person to bring us down.
See a abuser will act angry and swear to SHUT you up. To get you to eat all you feel inside. To make you feel like something is wrong with you.
And the ow....well an abuser without help will not change his spots until he recognizes it is him and not just you. He will blame you for it but it will for sure follow and he will show the same stuff to this ow. When she tires of it, unless she is the codependent type, he will then try to come back to your good graces. Its all the same. Same pattern in them all. Its sad cause under the alcohol and that, they are pretty nice. They were screwed up in childhood probably. Look at how he grew up and he is probably doing the same patterns in life that his parents did.
Draw the lines. Make it difficult for him to return. Show him you won't accept his behaviors like they are now. Make yourself worth it for him to want to change. Most will return...they just try and punish you. Another abusive tactic they have. If they don't, its their too ashamed of what they have done.
Well, this is long enough. I gotta go and take care of an ailing dog. Just think about what I said and know that you shouldn't be told like a child to do anything. That your not that stupid that you don't know when your child has to eat but that you should be his partner and not be treated with such disrespect and for him to order you around and swear at you like a child. It probably has been much worse and if not it can be. He needs to grow up some and not going off like a child that doesn't get their way. By you changing the steps a bit he can learn new ones. See you can't change him. He has to want to change. So you set boundaries and what you will and will not accept. He learns on his own what you want and need. How to treat you with respect is by not allowing you to be disrespected. Its how much you allow him to treat you like he is. Yelling back angrily won't help but stating how you feel when he says something like he did could help. That you not going to stay there and listen to someone belittle you anymore. And if he wants home, he needs to show you some respect b4 he comes back. Otherwise the door stays shut till he nudges it open a bit and gets your attention of how HE changed. But first you need to change some by not allowing him to treat you that way to begin with and what to do if he disrespects you.
