Feels like an eternity (Mindsin - part. 3)

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know where it fits in on a DB scale, but what's wrong with speaking to the OMW? You're both in the same situation and can support each other, tough noogies if the cheating spouses don't like it. They're making choices -- which they're free do to -- and these are the consequences. Surprise!

IF you read the DB books, the answer to why you do Not do the aboe^^^ is in both books. Mindsink has outlined them above as well. Just b/c something is tempting does not make it the smart thing to do. It's RARELY if ever, helpful. It's not our job to "teach lessons" to our spouses; it's not our job to "show them the consequences" of their choices. LIFE DOES THAT FOR THEM and already minksink sees his wife struggling along with her choices.

He need not add to the trauma of it all.

Define your goal and ask yourself if talking to OM's w is going to push you closer towards it or farther away from it.

You can also ask your DB coach for their reasoning. Since you're not the one reaching out, it's slightly better I guess, but I think your (ie. mindskin's) analysis of what his wife's reaction would be, is probably accurate.



I watched a movie last night called The Other Woman, in which a man's girlfriend discovered he was married and she and the W ended up becoming bosom buddies and getting through the situation by leaning on each other. You get your support where you can find it, in my opinion -- even if it comes from sources you didn't count on.

Why not get support from your kids or their kids? OH, b/c it's inappropriate to lean on them or involve them and it will hurt THEM? Yes exactly that.

Same for this situation so no, I don't buy the "get support where you can find it" but again, Two Sided, you'll have your answers when you read the book

Til you do read them, maybe you can hold off a bit from advising things that go against the books, b/c they form the basis of this site's approach to marriage and divorce. OFTEN we must resist the urge to punish or expose

(even while we pretend it's something else like "just being honest", we must be honest with ourselves about what we are doing and why)