Getting Started - Little Questions - Noob

[Telk]

So I have me a DB coach and I am underway. I read lot of post and searched before posting. Lot of material and found good stuff. I actually feel I might be in better place than I thought with my W.

W had an A but claims committed to working things out as we have 4 small children. She does not currently want out of M or want to separate. That is good thing. Although she is emotional already out it seems some days. My problem is she is still making contact with OW secretly but my DB coach said to ignore that for now and work on me.

What is tough is she still shows some love toward me and 1 time did tell me she loves me but it is almost like the OW is an addiction she knows is wrong but cant kick.

I did the chasing/begging and spying thing and realize that really made things worse. This has made lot of tension plus me trying to get her to admit to these secret meeting and contact. Done with that to best of my abilities.

Now some questions I just did not think to ask DB coach. I am not to tell her I love her, got that. What if she tells me she loves me? How to respond to that? In mornings I leave while everyone still in bed and I usually tell her bye and I love her. This morning I did tell her bye but did not say I love you. Her response was do you want me to make you some coffee. Positive there maybe. Do I tell her bye? I guess thing I am learning is when to cut off vs staying in positive communication. If I think like she is my sister idea I would not have woke her up. I do not see a negative but I also know I got to wing myself off her so not to be clingy.

Also how to deal with fact W is still contacting OW and I just have to ignore it. Read some of other people post. Glad I found this place. I did read DR. Just working to put in action.

Sorry if I screwed up abbreviations or missed some. Learning.