Update after several months of absence

[Ahoy]

Take it one day at a time, trc. You don't have to think about how you will react when the time comes, just focus on the now and self care.

I would recommend not asking questions of your wife that you don't necessarily NEED to know the answers to. Sometimes that pushes the WAS further away. It's hard when you find information about apartment hunting and other men not to say anything, but that is really what you should do. It won't help you to know the details. If she wants back, she will tell you. When she's ready to move on, she will tell you. You are making it easy for her to move on by asking her because then, after she tells you, she may feel that there is no going back, or that too much damage as been done.

I too had to watch my spouse apartment-hunt, saw a card for a lawyer, saw sneaky behavior possibly indicating an OW, and had to bite my tongue. How would it benefit me to know these details? If I ask him about the lawyer, it might precipitate a conversation about divorce from which we could not recover. I did try asking him about if he were having an affair, and it just made him angry (denying it) and pushed him further away from me.

Now I live by the mantra "Don't ask, don't tell." I don't ask him details about his life relative to our situation, and I don't offer details unless asked directly, and then I keep it vague and friendly. Time is your friend. Be patient.

Today you may feel excited about meeting someone new, tomorrow you might be angry at your W, the next day you might be a sobbing mess. It's part of the ride. Try to see it for what it is, allow yourself to move through those emotions, but also know that they won't last. Things will get better, one way or another, in time.