On the brink, need a miracle

[Onguard]

The last few days have been full of detaching. We have had very little interaction. I played golf all day yesterday and she spent all day today with her family. Our last discussion was on Friday when she told me that she had a plan of action. If there was no improvement in us by the end of the month, she thinks we should separate. She would prefer that I leave. I reiterated my position that I am not leaving the home. She tried to use our D13 as leverage, saying that she would be hurt if my W were the one to leave. I responded by asking her if she was thinking of our D13 when she was having an A or suggesting separation in general. Separation is a trial run for D, not a step in the process of R. She claims that her goal of separation would be to ultimately save our M. I will not attempt to convince her to stay but I will not be leaving either.

Next week is her birthday. How should I handle this? I was planning on basically keeping the whole thing family oriented. No card or gift from me. Just being a part of the festivities with the family. Being upbeat and acting as if. The other issue is that we are supposed to be going to dinner with 3 other couples on Friday night. They all know about our sitch. It feels really uncomfortable to be out in public with people under these circumstances. I feel like they are all wondering why I am still with her. Mind reading I know... It just feels like I am losing respect from everyone because I am still trying to save my M with a W who has been unfaithful AND has not committed to our M.

Should I stop doing things as a couple until / unless she commits? She does not seem to want me to be a part of her birthday either. She is being very quiet other than mentioning it a few times. I asked her if she still wanted to go to a football game for her birthday and she said she was not sure. I did not say a word after that as I don't want to pursue but I also don't want to be cold. Man, this is a fine line to dance indeed.