I picked up the SSM book. It is amazing how much of it applies to my relationship with my wife. Some of it is word for word. I am writing to get a little of my chest and hopefully someone else has been in our position and can offer some insight.
We have been together for 14 years, married 9 of them. We have a six year old son. As with many, our relationship was fantastic in the beginning, now it is hardly bearable. I am 35 and I have a normal desire for sex.Once or twice every week or two would be nice. She has very little on no desire. I don't like that, and she knows. She has tried to make changes and we have been to counseling, but nothing changes. As a matter of fact it is getting worse.
I would like to have a woman that enjoys and appreciates being taken care of and pleased. The trouble is, there is no making her happy. She had a dynamite job. If she would have stayed, she would have had two million dollar retirement at age 55. She worked with a bunch of other women, the politics got to be to much so she decide to quit. The next job was alright, a lot less pay. She lasted four years. Same thing, she didn't like the politics and it is not what she wanted to do the rest of her life. So, we sat down and she got to chose what she wanted. She went to school, and now has her own business where she is doing what she likes and can make her own hours. I looked at the financial books and figure she worked a total of twelve 40 hour weeks last year, just enough to break even. Still she is not happy.
I am in the construction trade. Usually I work a lot of overtime. That is how we make ends meet. The last three years,do to the economy, I have only worked eight months per year. Money is tight. I take care of the finances, and can not get her to understand that we have no money. She makes nothing in her business, I am making two-thirds of what I usually make. Still she is mad at me that I don't have the house completely remodeled so we can sell it to get a brand new one.
This is where I have reached my threshold of tolerance with her. We have no work coming up. I am scrambling wondering how the bills are going to get paid. My boss calls up with a six week out of town job. Usually, I would have to check it out with her to make sure it is OK. I said yes right away. It is two hours away. I only stay out of town two nights a week. The other days I am up at 3:30 am, on the road at 4 am. After 8 hours of work, I get back home at 6pm. Just to be with my family. I am beat when I get home. Still, I try to do the dishes, laundry, and some homework with my son. Still, she is mad. She tells me I don't do enough. I had a similar over the road job last year. In addition to the same amount of travel, we were going to a counselor one night a week. She said she would appreciate more help around the house. So, for the next few months, I would cook and clean until eight or nine at night, every night after driving home. I thought it would help and she would be more affectionate. It didn't happen. It only raised the bar for how much she expects from me.
We used to have sex a couple times a week. Then, overnight, it went to once every two weeks. I adjusted. When it got down to once a month, we went together to her counselor. He told me to get a life. He could not believe how much time and effort I put into the relationship. So, I picked up a hobby, now we have had sex three times in the last seven months.In the last two years we have kissed just one quick time. I have lived with the diminished sex, but when she is constantly mad at me for nothing, it makes it hard to justify being married. I have thought long and hard about how I could just get a divorce and eliminate 90% of my headaches. Heck I even did the math, I would be money ahead. But, I grew up without a father and made a vow I would never want my son to go through that. Also, I pray and hope that lovely girl I married some how finds herself , and would magically reappear.
I am going to give her the book and hope she will read it and get something out of it like I have! If you have any thoughts or want additional info or clarification, please write me back. I appreciate any help. Thanks.
