My point about Lance Armstrong's nut was that something like a small pain in the nut could kill one of the most seemingly healthy people in the world. Thus, a seemingly great relationship can be ruined by something that "seems like" it should not be important. Anyway, I was simply sharing a metaphor that popped up...some folks write peoetry, I come up with metaphors...some are better than others...this one might have been sucky. I've got another one brewing regarding "Oil and Gas"...I'll share later.
But seriously, that's why we are all here...It's the lack of desire, lustfullness etc. in our LD spouses that drives us completely nuts.
My W would oblige if I ever asked...but I never did because there was one time early in our marriage, that she (thinking that it would be funny) looked off into space, then looked at her watch like she had somewhere else to be.
Absolutely avoid having W think that everything is broken (even though it is)...sell her on a "vision" of what you think the ideal marriage is and include that there is a big physical element to a good marriage. Mine doesn't want to engage in any of this self-help stuff or acknowledge the problem...she just wants to talk herself back into being the way she was in college. We'll see if this works but after a few months of fumbling, we will probably be more open about where to take things.
The one thing I'm absolutely making sure I do is to eliminate every possible excuse she might have for not having desire. Most of the work will be in your hands...doing everything perfectly like helping, listening, cleaning up, etc. There's only a few things you can ask of her.... 1. Have her commit to the "vision" of the perfect marriage. 2. Have her recognize that the problem, while hers, is a problem for the relationship and that it will be impossible to achieve the vision without solving the problem. 3. Have her commit to having all "physical" possibilities examined like hormone deficiencies, etc. 4. Let her have "ownership" of her recovery. If that doesn't work, then keep sharing the vision. If that doesn't work, then....hmmm...this is the one thought that bums me out every day.
This might be oversimplifying, but I'm getting some successes this way.
