Doing all right

[BrightFuture]

Heather, thanks you for coming back and clarifying your post. I know that I overreact too. This probably was the case when I replied on Shining’s thread. And I had my response yesterday, but didn’t post. I’m glad I didn’t. This morning I have a more reasonable response, I hope.

Heather, I’m not in any way offended by what you said. My response was more to kml’s post. I have a problem when people tell other people what to do before they can go through the process on their own, I admit that. I value kml’s opinion as much as some other vets here, but their responses surprise the heck out of me sometimes. Your reply to that post was that you agreed with that you need to be pushed to do certain things. I don’t think so. You’ve gone a long way to get to where you are now, and I admire that. So, other people need that time too. I absolutely agree with what you say here. And believe me, I’ve been there… I had my first xh, who is the father of my son, to disappear out of my son’s life. He never gave a sh!t about him, except when it was for a show. He never contributed anything to my son’s education or anything else.

My second H raised my son from age 8, and now he’s also disappeared out of my son’s life.
So, I get it… I get it all. I can’t say that I will always love my first xh. I just don’t. He was (and is) a selfish SOB and he cheated on me. It was my decision to D him, and I’m glad I did. So, I do have an experience in making that kind of decision.

With the second H it was different. I think I was more mature and I did love him in a different way, in more mature way I would say.

The point is that I had a problem with klm’s post questioning Shining why she would not file for D herself. My problem is with the advice from some veterans on this board, especially the once who've been here for a loooong time, when they say that LBSs should not waste their time analyzing, over thinking, waiting, etc. about their WASs, because they know from their experiences that IT IS A WASTE OF TIME. Well, did THEY listen to the advice when they were going through this? I’m sure they did have this kind of advice. But, they did what they had to do, they needed time to come out on the other side wiser. So, why not to allow other people to do the same?

And the point is that I’m not saying that their advice is wrong, I just want to know why.

Heather, sorry, if I came across as harsh or sounded offended. It is not about you, you just happened to respond to that post agreeing with the point. In no way I’m saying that you were wrong. I’ve been following you for some time (even though I don’t post much) and I know how much you’ve accomplished and how far you’ve come. I also agree with you that in your situation you are choosing what is best for you and your girls. I admire your strength and determination. You too are an absolutely wonderful lady.

Maybe I should not read other threads when I’m frustrated. This was one of the times when I come to this board for support and start looking for something that would give me the answers. This was one of these times when I felt disconnected from the world, nobody to talk to, nobody who cares. So, maybe I overreacted, maybe it was a subconscious way to get some attention. Very often I feel invisible on this board.

I’m not that exiting of a poster as some, my sitch in pretty stagnant, I’m not posting too much of insightful stuff about myself, hence not giving other people an opportunity to give me an advice and I’m not very stubborn either (like Makingmagic, LOL.) A lot of my posts are just ignored. Sometimes I feel plain stupid, like I don’t belong here.

I don’t want to complain. There are a number of wonderful people who check up on me pretty regularly, including a couple of vets like Job and Bea, and I’m very grateful. I guess at this point I just feel stuck. I’m trying to find the way out. I don’t know if I make sense here.

Heather, I really appreciate that you came back to post to me. It means a lot. Thank you.