Keeping it real

[Zues126]

Ok. Up virtually all night in pain and even despair. Can't see a way forward. All roads look like oceans of pain and heartbreak, and things I've always wanted to believe in like love and commitment all seem like broken illusions.

Now my STBX calls. Asks for a phone number but she basically admitted she wanted to let me know that she stopped drinking. She said she realized that she had been running from being alone and using drinking/men to cover that up. She said she is getting professional help with her psychiatrist and making better choices. Starting a couple of new hobbies. Etc. she said I should know as it pertains to me knowing the children would be safe.

I tried to validate as best I could. Related to her where I could, told her I was glad that the clouds were starting to break through. Agreed that it wasn't easy for her but was supportive that she was on a road that would lead her into a better spot.

First contact by her since the incident. I am staying super dark but will respond warm when she is warm to me. This incident gave me a little hope. Not anything short term as I know her mind is made up in her head and she can't see getting past the hurts of the past. But if she has the character to course correct maybe she can do so again in the future. That said, I'm starting to see how long the road would be even if that's not possible. For the first time I can really get how this could take years. So I'd better take care of myself!