1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

[mdu]

Thinking a lot about things I want to ask H about the affair and here's what I've come up with wanting to know at this time. If H is open to it, I am thinking of emailing the list to him and telling him we can discuss whenever he feels comfortable/ready.

Feedback very welcome.

• I know talking was a very important factor in your unhappiness and the affair. I would like to work on making that better for us. What are some things that you would like to talk to me about but felt that you couldn’t? What can I do to help you feel more comfortable opening up to me?
• I believe being able to openly talk about our attraction to others will be important in helping ensure this doesn’t happen again. When exactly did your attraction to her begin? If you could go back in time and we had a marriage where you were comfortable discussing these things when do you think you should have first told me about her? I have often said that you should have come home the night you first kissed her and told me but the more I think about it the more I wonder if you should have told me about your attraction even before that. What are your thoughts?
• You mentioned that when the affair began you felt that I did not love you. What are some things I do that make you feel loved? What should I be doing more (or less) of to ensure you feel I love you?
• How did the affair make you feel about yourself? Confident, attractive, smart, respected, sexy, romantic, others? Which feelings meant the most to you during the Affair?