Bright, I know that you and I have had a discussion about the mail situation before, but have you considered asking your h to put in a change of address, i.e. a post office box in the town where he normally would pick up his mail instead of his buddy's office address? It can get expensive and it does put a burden on you to get the mail packaged up and sent on to him, etc.
I sense that this mail situation is a connection that you are hesitant to end, but at some point, you'll need to decide whether or not it's a good thing for you because it appears that there is some resentment in the fact that he doesn't acknowledge your efforts with "thank you for sending my mail". If this resentment continues to grow, it's going to eat at you and you don't need the frustration. Your h takes you for granted and "assumes" that you will take care of his mail for him and will send it on to him and yes, even get emails from you advising him of what's important in the package.
He's depressed and doesn't think about the consequences of his actions, i.e., not changing his address, etc. In a way, the mail is a connection to home, a home he's not lived in for quite a while, but he needs to have his mail come directly to him and be a big boy about this. Forwarding mail on to someone and having to send it certified or registered mail can get expensive. You might gently remind him of the expense if he should post a "thanks". If he offers to pay you, accept the money and then let it go. In his foggy mind, he may not realize the costs involved in getting his mail forwarded to him.
Bright, you and only you can determine what's best for you in your current situation. However, I do sense that you are harboring a lot of resentment and some rumblings of anger these days and your h and his family have been taking up a lot of your head space and I think it may be due, not only to the mail, but the wedding. I don't see you putting the wedding behind you after today. It's still going to be something that is in the back of your mind and you'll think about it periodically and the anger/resentment will bubble up. Feel the emotions and then let them go. Yes, it hurt that neither you or your son were invited, the bride and her mother evidently made some choices that weren't thought out and I'm sorry about how this went down for you and your son.
Bright, you will know when you've had enough and want to move forward. No one can tell you when to do this. One of the hardest things to do when reading other threads is not to compare your situation to theirs and try to pigeon hole your situation w/theirs. You can't put a round peg in a square hole. Each situation is different because of the personalities, history and dynamics involved around the break down of the relationship, therefore the advice may or may not be a good fit for each and every poster. Take what you can from the advice and leave the rest in the dust. If something isn't working, try something different.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
