H seems to be down. I had social/kid things going on today and he had separate stuff. He stopped by this morning to drop off S16 who had stayed with him and then had to run. He had mentioned calling to come back by, but I was out running errands when he showed up. Then a few hours later he randomly called to see if I needed anything while he was out running errands. Seems like he is looking for reasons to call.
He went to a surprise B-day party for work friend where many of the usual suspects were there. Came by to pick up younger kids and seemed really blah. I asked if he was ok and he said he was feeling down but would be ok.
Since his most recent declaration of needing to proceed with D I have dropped the rope more than ever before. He is not over at the house all the time like he lives here but just sleeps somewhere else. It's very brief and exchanging kids for most part. I'm doing my own social stuff and continuing to GAL as best I can. He does seem to be hitting some realizations. I don't think this is what he wants. But I know now that I can't help, he has to figure it all out and do the work on his own. And while I am willing to be a lighthouse, I'm not willing to be a tugboat. He's got to dig into the uncomfortable stuff for himself. I deserve that, and it will be necessary if this is to ever work long term. I see his wheels turning, hope they don't get stuck.....
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
