1 step forward, 1000 steps back - part 6

[mdu]

Well, it sure is a jagged road to reconciliation. Had a bit of a set back tonight and could use some advice.

Not surprisingly, OW being in H's office continues to concern me. H has assured me that although the office is very small the layout is such that even when OW is in the office he can easily go the whole day without seeing her --- and generally that's how it's been working out. Tonight, H and I agreed to meet at his office so I could see this layout for myself and hopefully be further reassured. So H shows me her cube and a few of her things are there --- jacket, some pictures --- just typical stuff. And it really hits me that this is REAL. I mean this woman is real and H really got involved with her. I know it sounds crazy but it is the most reality I've been hit with regarding his A in quite a while.

So then we end up talking some about things and nagging in the back of my mind are the few personal effects of hers I saw and I'm creating this image of her based on those things. And I'm imagining H really wanting the type of person she is rather than me. As you can imagine, this did NOT have a positive effect on my conversation with H. Although I didn't 'go off' on him, I did have a tone and an overall attitude of blame that I'm sure was less than helpful. We parted ways with a decent amount of tension hanging between us.

I know this is not good and I need to get a grip. But my bigger question is, what do I do about OW in the office going forward? My preference all along has been to know as little about OW as possible. I really do not want the mental imagine. Is that the right approach? Or should I waltz in the office some day and meet H for lunch, i.e., look her in the eye and make my presence clear? Do people have opinions about whether it's overall helpful or harmful to actually SEE the OW/OM? Or is it ok to just avoid them like the plague? Even though H works in the office with OW I could easily avoid seeing her. It's not like I go there often and she's not there every day so if I wanted to meet him for lunch or something we could just plan it on a day she's not there. The annual x-mas party could be a challenge but H already said we could just not go (although he usually plans it so not sure how he'd get away with that but he insists he won't go if that's what I want).

Thoughts?