Well, I suuurrrrre needed you all tonight. Thank u.
I know what I'm asking, uR, with the relentlessness of your repeated words...if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it. And I know me enough to know I need to be held accountable because I WILL weasel if I'm not. This is too important to do halfa$$ed.
Tonight started out awful. I was so scared. It's silly, I know. But I've been cooped up in my apartment and my car, job searching and running kids... Alone and jobless for too long. Rejected and depressed... Ugh. So I got to the stadium and there were these....things. They moved. And breathed. I think they wee called something like, oh... What's the term.... "Other people." I've had my head too far up my you know what and I was terrified tonight.
But I got through it. It wasn't fun. But there were moments of fun and I might have smiled once....
I did check my phone but not as much as earlier today. Nothing from H. That made me sad. But I didn't text him. I did play a word. But it was hours later. I'm busy. I'm trying . I hate his so much.
I see what I need to do and why. Dang I'm close. Rrrrgggggg.
The comment about the force.... Was that Yoda-speak, T?
Oh Shining- I can see the turmoil you are in and want to send you a big hug!!!
(((Shining)))
Your situation made me think of Raine and how her H would send her game requests at all hours just to "keep in touch'. I have learned form a recent realization of seeing how far my H has to go, that they do reach out in weird ways.
There is a point where you feel more able to let go, I'm starting to get there, but I still have my days when I just want to feel I matter to him. I get it. Interestingly digging in through the pain was not something I had a resistance to, if it was just my issues. But once it was the way he responded to me and how that triggered my issues- whole different ball game. Because then I felt flawed, and not good enough, and WTF????!!!
Sending you strength and good thoughts. But you've got this- you have much more insight than you realize- I can see it.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
