She had an affair with the man! She flat out told you she won't stop seeing/contacting him. She won't let you kiss her.....much less have sex. Now you are trying to believe they are just friends b/c she grew up with brothers?
Trust me, if they had a brother/sister R......or even just a friendship......she would not be so protective over her phone or scared to lay it down. You feel disrespected b/c you ARE!!
Almost every W in an A will claim two things. (1) they are just friends (2) you are controlling whenever you seek verification.
It is not controling, but it can be affair proofing your M. So just b/c she throws a fit and twists tbe truth, don't start believing her crap. You stopped counseling, then haven't brought up OM in three months. She thinks she has you brained washed to the point of beleiving anything!
Can a W pretend to have a good R with her H......except for gaslighting.....and no intimacy, of course. You bet'cha.
Wake up and be smart. She is playing you.
Don't discuss OM with her. Not yet. You need to think about what you really want. Think about what you will not live without in your personal life....and what you won't tolerate. That will help to lay the foundation for your personal boundaries. Boundaries are not about controling her. It is about protecting youself.
Get alone and take a long, deep look in a full length mirror. Study the man you see, and compare him to the man you were before M. Be painfully honest with yourself and digg deep. Next, list ways to become the man you use to be.....or better. Make short term goals that will keep you on track while you are improving as a man. All of this is about you...not her.
More later......
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
