Oh, I am so happy for you!! And if blowing up at me helps you make strides with your wife, then blow up at me anytime you feel like it.
Have you asked your W if she would read SSM with you? I think the thing that SSM did for me was allow me to truly understand how my H was feeling. I was able to empathize, and feel what it was like to be in his shoes. Just from that, I became motivated to discover HOW to work with my LD state.
Keep in mind, and I know this is hard to do, that empathy and compassion is a two-way street. Try to understand what it would be like FOR YOU to have your desire just... evaporate. Try to understand what that would FEEL like, how that would make YOU feel as a spouse, and how it would make you feel if your spouse responded to said state with anger, criticism, and disdain. (I'm not saying you do that, but I'm sure you have at times, just out of frustration). What do you think that would do for your self-esteem and your motivation level?
Most LDs have NO CLUE why they do not experience desire the way their HD partners do, and because desire is portrayed in the media like the way most HD people feel, LDs are left feeling as though something is majorly WRONG with them. They feel like continual failures, or extremely defensive when it comes to talking about their sexuality.
The simple matter of fact is, people experience desire in all different kinds of ways, and one way isn't necessarily more 'right' than any other way. (For the most part -- I'm not talking about medical problems, etc.) The trick for HDs and LDs is to find what works for THEM -- and that involves yanking yourself out of the 'Center of the Universe' seat, and putting yourself in your spouse's shoes. Working together instead of against each other; supporting one another when you trip, rather than criticize the person for stumbling.
You'd think this would be an easy thing to do. But it seems to me that the longer we are with someone exclusively, the more we take the other for granted and just assume that the other person WILL take care of our needs, and do it cheerily. And somehow, we just become amazed and shocked when the other person seems to drop the ball. I think always taking one another for granted is where people lose grip of their respect. Just IMHO.
Keep talking with your wife. Keep heavy conversations short but clear. And if you get the chance, if you haven't read it already, I'd read "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz. It may be a little new agey for some, but man, if you can practice every day his four agreements, whether you agree with his 'bigger picture' or not, I think you'd see an astounding difference in your life. It's tough, too. It all sounds so simple, but practicing it everyday is something all together different.
Anyway, I'm glad you are in a better place, and again, I am sorry for any hurt I caused.
