Alright team, help me with this one which adds a level of difficulty for me. We have quarterly dinner parties. Four couples, alternating houses. It's our turn to host and W just texted me (I was out GALing at golf lessons) about picking a date. Now if I go with "I don't want to do any R activities while your R is with OM and not me" it's definitely going to cause some tension and spillover as our friends are so far clueless about our issues. Not sure I want our issues public at this point, but I don't want to pretend to the W we have a R either.

Makes me wonder about how you are supposed to handle the "life goes on" activities while practicing DB- going to weddings/birthday parties, dinner with couple friends, planning our annual winter trip, getting a rental for our summer week at the beach, etc- nothing specifically in the DB book that I saw, but it just seems super weird to try and be upbeat and GALing while refusing to do things like this.

Anybody who has been there have any specific advice on how you handle these more long term planning things while being in marital limbo with a spouse who wants to live in denial?

Me: 45 W:43
M: 15, T:21
2 Kids- S-14, D-12
A Started: 10/2013
Discovered as EA: 6/2014, as PA: 7/2014
A changing, not ending
Start DB'ing 9/2014
Same house, same bed