Train, roll on ...

[Train]

Got it handled, Maybell! Thanks for the heads up!

Wonka, thank you so much for the validation. And yes. I think the loss of innocence is absolutely at the root of a lot of it. That and questioning if this is just a character flaw in H that pops up every eight years even though between those years he is largely amazing and loving and attentive.

It's so funny you mentioned Dear Peggy, because that's exactly where I turned yesterday evening. I had read a lot there during our S (thanks to your recommendation), but it was the perfect place that I had forgotten to go to read about the piecing stage. It helped put my mind at ease a lot. And I think you're right: H can read short paragraphs and (I believe) would really welcome that right now! He's being so patient and understanding and keeps saying, "I am willing to deal with the consequences of what I've done for as long as it takes you to trust me again." He walks on eggshells, too, but he's doing it because he's afraid he's going to trip my trigger or make me so mad that I leave. But I told him the other day it isn't healthy for either of us to walk on eggshells; OTOH, it's GOOD to stop and think about what we are going to say before we say it. That's a habit we can both develop and be better for it.

I rebounded a bit last night. H needed to go to the place he works to work on his car. I hadn't gone to a "garage date night" in a while, so I offered to go along. He lit up like a light bulb, smiling ear to ear. So I went and helped him out in ways I could. At one point, I mentioned that something he had said the other day in one of our conversations really resonated with me. Just hearing that made him perk up. That's because it's well known that I'm the one who reasons more and has "all the answers" around here; he's more spontaneous and adventurous and knee-jerky about things (and he lacks some social common sense - lol). He, unfortunately, feels very "inferior" to me, intellectually, which has sometimes presented a challenge in our relationship; he feels like he can't "measure up" to me and/or my interests, like religion and politics. (His insecurities are absolutely not my doing, just for the record; I ALWAYS tell him that he complements me beautifully and that he's the person who keeps my feet on the ground and reminds me to chill-out and have a little fun instead of keeping my panties in a wad all the time.) So anyway, I told him what he had said that caused me to really stew on some things in my life, like which direction I want my life to go (specifically, work vs. staying at home). And I said, "You were absolutely right." I'm not sure I've ever told him that something he said had caused me to think ... and that what he had to say was really powerful and valuable. I could tell it made him feel really proud of himself. And it took practically zero effort on my part to do it; I was just speaking the truth.

We left his work, and he said, "Thank you, Train, so much for going with me tonight. That was fun, and you helped me out a whole lot."

I actually just stood there and worked an air-gun to blow off all the shavings from his metal screw holes as he drilled. Lol. But, hey, if that's "helping a whole lot," then I'm happy to help!

So for future reference, I really need to remember that I can post here for help, too, even though I'm in piecing. I think it helps me find my center. Puts my head back in the game ... or at least keeps it screwed on a little straighter.

For that, I thank all of you.

Now Starsky, if you're still reading way down here, I've been thinking of you for 24 hours straight. How did yesterday go? How's your W handling the news of the move?