WAH & MLC? - EA/PA - Please Help

[Train]

Oh, Sam. I've been wondering how you were doing.

First, let me ask you this: you said way up there that you are scared to stand up to him. Why? Is it fear of being left alone?

I'm going to be honest: your H is being an arrogant prick. Your posts have my blood boiling because of him.

If he were genuine about working on your M - the way you're going to HAVE to work on it to make it last - then he would be jumping through hoops right now (or at least willing to be) to assure and comfort you to help you bounce back from how his actions made you feel. First and foremost, though, he'd need to acknowledge he hurt you instead of making a bunch of pitiful, arrogant excuses for (and thereby making light of) what he did.

And why the hel! would he have a problem being transparent about your family's finances?

Ummm no. Just no.

Sam, you asked if it's common for a WAS not to want to discuss things that happened during a S. *Of course* they don't *want* to ... especially if they were having an A! But here's the thing: if they want back into the M, and they realize that's what YOU need to make you start feeling safe again, they'd talk anyway! They'd be willing to give you *whatever you need*! If you need to discuss it, he should be willing to discuss it. Period.

Your H, I'm sorry to say, is absolutely nowhere near that. Nowhere near it.

I would absolutely put my foot down on complete transparency, Sam. How are you to feel safe in your M again without it?

My suggestion would be to start limiting your time with him. Tell him straight up that you don't enjoy feeling used and not being respected by him. And that the fact that he isn't giving you the information you need to trust him again, shows that. Then start living independently as if he wasn't there. He is trickle truthing you.
I am absolutely in full agreement with Bond here.

I know it may seem we're advising that you go backwards. Where you are with your H right now probably feels like progress to you. Am I right? But it's not progress. You have your H being nice to you and spending more time with you. But he's leading you around by your nose, sweetie. And I KNOW you have more backbone, self-respect and determination than to put up with that for long.

It's time to train him how to treat you.