WAH - Chapter 4 Lisa B

[pilot]

Thanks for checking in on me pilot! Not much to report.

After our day moving together the WAH has been texting friendly but just chatting not saying much. He did give me an excellent compliment related to one of my GAL/180 activities so I feel good about that.

Great! This is a good positive.

He left one last thing at my house so he came to pick it up. Interestingly he called instead of texting. Wonder why, that is definitely something different and this is now the 3rd time he has done that.

no way of knowing why. But again, a positive he called.

The last two times I saw him he had his work bag with him. Since both times he was (likely) not headed to or from work, I assume he did not go home the night before (plus there was the booze smell) and that is why he has his work bag with him. I mentioned it this time and he said he was headed to work (on Saturday). Not sure if I believe him. It doesn't matter but is just interesting.

You are letting negative emotions create scenarios and doubt. Since you do not know for sure his work schedule, he could very well be telling the truth. Making assumptions otherwise just affects your mood and behavior negatively.

There were a few other times recently that I think he lied or tried to deflect when I noticed something related to him dating. For example, I commented on all the wine bottles at his house and he deflected and said something about how his mom was there and drank a lot. (max 1 bottle so what about the other 9?) I also noticed cigarette butts on his balcony and he said "oh they are probably from the workers" (do the workers wear red lipstick?). The cigs could also be from his sister, she smokes. But the unlikely comment about the workers makes me think he is knowingly covering up a date.

Ok, be really careful about assumptions on this. I know you are not making hard assumptions but just journalling. But I want you to consider, well, me and my actions compared to your H on this. You want to think your H is having dates at his house because there is lipstick on cigarettes and wine and beer bottles he does not want to explain. It is very likely your H was not having date nights but had friends over. He may have not wanted to have to explain that to you because he was afraid of how you would take it. He may have had NOTHING date related, but knew there was circumstantial evidence laying around which would cause you to THINK he was, and therefore wanted your mind to wander (much as I did with my W and you did to your H) Or he may have had a date, but regrets you finding out about it or wants to keep you from knowing about it as much as possible for any number of reasons. Just think of what YOU would have said 2 weeks ago if you had a few random friends over (guys included) and your H saw bottles and other assorted things around your place and asked you about it. How would you have played that off?

Now that his stuff isn't at my house anymore he doesn't have that excuse to contact me. So it will be interesting to see what happens. Now if he wants to see me he will either have to come up with a reason or just ask me to hang out. We'll see. I'm going to continue to do what was working before which is NC unless he contacts me, then reply friendly.

I am sure he will continue contact with you. Your H does not in any way seem ready to walk away from you completely. He obviously still has feelings for you based on prior interactions with him. It will be interesting on how he choses to initiate contact with you. Just make sure your road home looks smooth enough to help him make that contact.

Have a great weekend!