You know what, Live? Your post means the world to me. I really hope something sunk in with him. I don't know, but I've been a bit of a mess since. Maybe because of his non-reaction (which is so typical at this point- I don't understand why the last two times I have ripped into him, it seems like he just wants to hear it- weird and non-argumentative). Maybe I'm a mess bc he is not saying, "I f'ed up! I really want you!", Maybe because he chose her over me? I really don't know why, and there is probably not a specific reason. There is a lot going on in there.
But your post made me think, and I HOPE that he heard something! That he gets something. I hope he is feeling the emotional turmoil that I am. Probably not, he has quite a distraction.
But he said he was happy with her. He has got something for her, clearly. And when I asked him if he loved her, he would not answer and asked why it is relevant. UGH!
I do think he cares what I think, but would never admit it. If he did, it would sound so insincere.
Heather, thank you so much for the support!! You made me think a lot too, about the depth of happiness. His mind is obviously so occupied with my kids. I guess it just hurts a little that there is no room for me. Why do I care???
I guess it just hurts a little that there is no room for me. Why do I care???
First off, you DON'T KNOW what's going on in his mind. Neither does he. So, what he is thinking about and whom...well, that is open to wide speculation.
Falling out of love with someone is hard. It hurts. He has been in the background of your life for a long time.
I know you want a happy ending. We all do. But, be aware that your happy ending may look a little differently than you expected. And, this pain you are feeling may be the thing that opens the door to your new life.
It hurts. No way around it. It just does. What your H has done is despicable on so many levels. He has broken your heart and the hearts of your children. Sounds like he knows it, but lacks the ability to do much about it in the way of helping you and the kids heal. He probably feels a bit relieved that you vented because you put the words out there and now he doesn't have to feel the unspoken burden of his guilt.
I vented a lot to Smokey in the beginning. A lot. Even when I tried to DB, I ended up unleashing my wrath. I see now that it didn't matter as far as the marriage was concerned. I don't think much of what we do changes their behavior when it comes to MLC. Some of the venting was cathartic because it allowed me to hand his crazy back to him. In other ways, it kept me stuck...waiting for him to see the light, come to his senses...And, as I look back...I can see how I took his crazy and doubled it/quadrupled it and I feel a bit sick.
Looking to the wounder to heal the wound never works.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Mighty, I read your posts earlier....I don't even know what to say other than I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself and your kids. I agree you've held in so much for so long. I don't know how you've done it. This is awful and hard, but there is bigger and better coming I'm certain of this.
One thing I read somewhere, is that sometimes the WAS wants you to yell at them because they know they deserve it. Idk or else I just made that up... I've probably been reading too much, but I would imagine anyone in his shoes would have to know he looks like a schmuck to everyone and his kids....so sad.
I wish I had words that would help, other than I'm here for support. They're just rotten finks. (Ok that didn't come out sounding tuff, but I'm being "board-friendly" with language). Think of the worst....and that's them. Mine too. Send them off to an island, I say.
Hugs, dear. Keep going. Your kids are lucky they have you. You'll all get through this.
Mighty, good for you, unloading all that stuff! I agree with Heather, they are probably not that happy as they want everybody to think. And even if they are at the moment, it will change quickly. Their relationship is built on lies and hurt of other people. I’ve read somewhere that “One of the most destructive and painful acts that one human can do to another is to have an affair with his or her spouse.” I also believe that karma is a b!tch. It is going to work its way to both of them. So, I truly believe that what he just heard from you is just the beginning of the truth being revealed…
Hugs from me too (((((Mighty)))))
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Oh my goodness. What would I do without you guys? Seriously! Geez Louise!
Heather, sometimes you just have a way of words.... and that last line... whew. That was a good one. Very poignant! I ran upstairs and told my son that as soon as I read it. It makes a lot of sense and I think that is what I have been doing! It is not necessarily that I have been standing, I have been waiting for him to heal me. To rectify the situation. Hmmmm... very insightful!
Shining- you always make me smile. You are so full of words of encouragement. And really, there are no words harsh enough to even begin to describe those two (fill in the blank, here), as far as I'm concerned. And you know what? It was really like he did want me to verbally abuse him or something. I really don't know who this guy is. Truly. I just don't. He is so far gone... it is weird. I wonder if it is weird for him to look at me through these new eyes? I mean I know he has probably been able to create me as this creature in his mind, however he wanted, especially since we haven't talked in months and haven't been in a room together like that, facing each other, to boot. But I wonder if my familiarity was weird for him. I am the same (different a little) but the core of me is the same. I wonder if it was weird to see me for who I am, like for real in person? I definitely looked at him differently. There was a major disconnect. For a second, I looked at him from a different perspective. I wondered what the other people in the room though of this guy, people who didn't know him. I was like, they must be thinking, "What a jerk this guy is." And you know what? One of s's coaches was in there. He told s after that xh was pi$$ing him off. Basically he couldn't believe how cold and unaccountable xh was, especially since it was about how badly s is hurting. Xh has really got to be struggling with some of this right now. If not, he is hopeless.
Bright- I unloaded alright! And I've got to say, painful and destructive is an understatement. One of the reasons I haven't gone off on hww is because the thought of xh protecting or standing up for her against me would kill me. That has definitely kept me in check. However, I have to agree with you, and it has been my savior... I feel that karma will take care of it for me. I don't have to say a word. (But I would love to). I also think you are right- I think this is just the beginning for him.
What a couple of days. I really haven't even given the full picture here. There is still a lot more going on. I am exhausted or something. I don't know. Nothing phases me anymore. I think if someone called and said, "Hey, a spaceship just landed on your house and smashed it to pieces." I would probably be like, "OK, I will take care of it when I get there." It is like nothing even phases me. Outside of my emotional interaction with xh this week, it is just like, carry on, girl.
Am I falling apart or are these the steps to rebuilding?
Thanks, guys, for being there for me. It has been a tough go this week. I am grateful for you... wherever you are!
You are doing amazing mighty! Please believe that. You are supporting your whole family emotionally and living in reality. It is a huge load to carry.
I just want to reiterate what others have said that though it may seem like other people think it's honky dory for your x to be starting a new family - really no one except for hww mother thinks it's cool.
I am sure they face a lot of awkward silence when they face people. Rather then face what they are doing and whom they are hurting they just simply blame you.
What jerks. Karma is a b!tch
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Ok- totally lost my cool. Way immature and out of control. I might puke. I am at d's tournament. Xh is there with his bro from out of town. Bil sat next to me for a game w xh. Obviously xh and I didn't speak. D's next game was a court over so we had to move. They moved across the gym. It's a smaller gym go only the top bleacher was open & u had to climb up. I was across from them & after I got up bio sent me a text about how quickly & gracefully I got up and he looked like a hog. I said at least you didn't look like a lying cheating @ss h0le. When I sent it xh was looking at his phone. Xh gestured me the hand across the neck like cut it out. I flipped him off (I can't believe it- it was like an outer body experience- I was so pissed and it was like I had no control. Then I rocked my arms like a baby. Omg! He gave the most devious smile and started pointing to his chest and nodding his head like, "yes it is ME having a baby." The. He put his arm down like he was pretending to have a little kid next to him and pat it's head. Well, he got me there. I wanted to point to d and then me and nod my head (since kids do t want anything to do with him) but I just stopped. Then I sent bil a text that said sorry to make him uncomfortable. Omg... I need to get it together. He stinks.
But I won't fight like that again. Breathe. Just shows what an inconsiderate jerk. I know I started it. But he started this whole thing! However I must be accountable for myself. I DONT WANT TO BE WITH A JERK AND HE IS ONE! Why do I give it energy? He just wanted to get under my skin, right? Why? Can't he just see he has hurt me? I know I was wrong. But I am hurt bc of him- why does he want to rub it in and make me feel worse. He is having a baby from an affair. He was unfaithful and now doing that????? I am so dumb for starting it, but dang.
