Fear? Here's one for you: I'm afraid of doing the work, not only because it's hard. It's also because I'm afraid of outgrowing him. I'm afraid I won't want him. I don't like that thought. I don't like that because I know it will happen. I'm still hanging by a thread. I just can't seem to let go yet. I'm closer, new layers are dying everyday.
Hey there Shining, that ^^^^ is where I was a year ago. It is a sukky place to be. Last summer, after stbxw BD #3 in April, lots of people held up new mirrors for me. UR, Raine, Mach1, AJ, job, etc, all showed me something about me that I didn't know, or want to admit. Showed me a different possibility of life, a different view of me that I was reluctant to accept, because it meant that yes, I have outgrown her.
That terrified and saddened me sometimes because I knew what that ultimately meant. But at that BD time she was only 4 months from stopping the cheating, and if it takes 6-18 months for the wayward spouse to get over the OP, then I promised myself I would give it another year, for my sake, the kids sakes, and hers. And kml's point up there ^^^ about the kids waiting for the other shoe to drop? I am learning from my kids that that IS how they felt these past 3 years.
So when she decided she wanted a D this past June, you would think I would have been calm, serene...since I have outgrown her, right? Nope. I was still angry, even though I had let go so much, I thought I was all Mr. Detachment, but I kinda deceived myself, lol... So why was I angry, and feeling rejected again? Finally I found the culprit....my ego....I am NOT used to failing at anything I put my heart, soul and effort into. A new layer exposed to be worked through. You will keep exposing your layers as you do the work, and new ones will pop up out of nowhere when you least expect it.
We know we have to do the work, otherwise what a waste of time and pain this MLC/LBS journey would be, IMO. And you will outgrow H. Thing is? If he wants back in, YOU get to decide if you want to be the mentor for him to catch up with you, or not. Because you WILL be light years ahead of him in R skills. You already are... you already are what you fear...
So, knowing that, how's that fear look now?
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
