Last night she texted me from work and was sad that she was missing a birthday party at the OM's house (one of the OM's friend's birthdays) and that this was the price she had to pay for an affair. I said I wasn't going to control who she talked to or where she went, that all I asked was that I never see the OM again, and that she remains faithful to our marriage. She didn't respond to that text, her next one was over an hour later when she told me she was on her way home. So she didn't go to the party and came home instead, not sure if that's a good sign or if she's just holding out for her trip away from home. I made sure to not be home when she got there though, made a trip to the coffee shop and got in some more DR reading while I was there.
Caught her furiously exiting out of the messaging app she and the OM have been using this morning, so the affair continues. I think she's still caught up in the addiction part of it, the thrill of the new experience, the forbidden fruit if you will. Even though what she's told me she wanted was for me to be there for her in a way I wasn't before I deployed I think she still goes to him first and me second. Especially in the intimacy department, of which there has been none (not even playful innuendo) since I've gotten home. She saved that for the OM the last time we went over there and she got drunk ("I wanna f*** you" she messaged him while I was sitting right next to both of them). Still hurts to think about, but the panic attacks are notably less frequent and severe since refusing to snoop.
Another morning brain dump, thanks for listening...
