I've been reading up on some old, old threads....wow, some of you have been here a long time, and have been through a LOT. Now helping others. I'm hoping to pay it back (or forward...however that works) after I'm whole again. It's fun to read the histories of everyone, and gain some perspective on your personal experience. It makes sense that you post what you post. .
I'm going to take a moment and think of some positives.
When I first came onto the board, I was lost. I thought we were taking a break. Nope. H had ow. I thought he would be mean to me forever, and run away with her....
Not even close.
The good things that have happened since April: I'm learning how to be a better person, and partner. The skills of listening, STFU, validating, differentiation, dealing with co-dependence, keeping boundaries, having empathy, compassion, GAL so I have some self esteem in my pocket, and patience. The biggest? FORGIVENESS. Always forgiveness. It was my dad's biggest lesson he taught me. I never forgot. I apply it often, and I believe it is the key to freedom. Forgiveness doesn't mean doormat.
Other good things: I have learned how to not feed the spewing, and the DB techniques have worked 100% of the time. His anger drops. It goes to someone else. Our exchanges are almost all pleasant now. If he does throw something....I do not react. It's awesome. I have realized, although he's confused and needs to go on this journey: H is still very attracted to me. H has opened up about some things from is childhood H is working on his R with his kids. <<<< huge, Oh...H dumped ow. I knew he would. We are a long way from the end....but I'm reflecting on how far I've come.
Letting the destruction continue. So we can build new. Together, or apart. I'll be ok. I got this.
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