Aww Ss what a sad conversation with your D. She sounds so smart. You handled it very well.
I know what you mean about the crying. Sometimes that happens to me too, and I am also not a cryer. I am a tough cookie, and I usually don't cry for years until something crappy like this happens!
One thing I have noticed is that usually the day after my weird crying spell I feel good. I think for me it hits when I need to get that emotion out and then I feel better and am ready for the next hurdle.
My advice - what I've tried doing - I cry as much as possible when the mood hits, I don't try to hold it in. I go somewhere alone and cry until I get bored of it or fall asleep or whatever. Usually the next day it is over. Until the next time...
I hope that the IC is a good one. I too have had bad experiences with this. Hopefully he will be honest and get good advice. But there isn't anything you can do about it. If he happens to want to discuss it with you, perhaps you can give some feedback about the role a good therapist should play, like they should never advise you to divorce unless in the case of abuse. They should let you work through your feelings and make your own decisions. That sort of thing.
I'm with ya... Feeling lonesome and I wish my H could remember we are M. It sure can hit us, and knock us down out of nowhere, can't it?? I hate having to go through this.
Trying to,remember the positive, count the blessings.... Keep the PMA up. It hasn't been working for me this week, either.
Sometimes it's one day at a time, sometimes one hour....
Thank you Shining and Lisa... mostly for just being there during a pretty dark day.
It's times like these that I make big mistakes. I become so introspective and want to work on things so badly that I itch for a temperature on the relationship, to find out what he's thinking.
I want to not backslide this time. I need to find a separation group or something. I've checked out meetup but I've found nothing local.
It's sad that I wish I had one divorced or separated friend. Talking about it helps but sometimes talking turns to venting and that keeps me more stuck sometimes.
It looks like it's cheetos and chocolate chips for dinner. With a glass of wine.
It's sad because I had my hair done today. My make up looks nice and I'm dressed nicely... yet I'm having cheetos alone on my couch. I'm clearly not GAL the way I'm supposed to.
I went out with two of my friends tonight. They're both married (one unhappily). I felt like I had to apologize for how expensive my separation is for them... But they went and we had a great time.
But I agree, I need more single friends.
There's a little charity concert playing in two weeks and I'm going by myself. That's my next big Me Move. Not having somebody to go with won't stop me. I think that will be a big deal for me.
Don't spend the whole weekend eating Cheetos & chocolate chips. Once is a treat. More than that is dissing yourself.
And yes, I'm with you on the crying jags. You've seen more than one of mine on here, and you know they're always followed by periods of growth.
I lift a glass to you, Ss!!
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Tomorrow I'm shooting (as in taking photos, it's what I do) a grand opening. Nothing big but I won't be sitting at home in my pajamas. I'll make connections, maybe get a job or two and hang out with some good looking 3rd, 4th and 5th degree black belts. Could be worse, right?
Thinking about hitting the beach solo in the evening to watch the dolphins and sunset. We'll see how I am with being THAT alone.
Sunday I'm hitting the Center for Spiritual Living for "church". I was raised catholic but I'm recovering now. I haven't been to church in 20+ years. I want to meet like minded people... I'm starting here. We'll see how it goes. Open mind.
Monday I'm hitting a killer yoga class in the evening. It was a game changer for me this week. Until I hear back from that job that I want desperately, my monday evenings will be spent at THIS yoga class without fail.
Tuesday I'm going to a separation/divorce support group. First time. Open mind.
Wednesday I signed up for a clean eating cooking class. My friend is the chef teaching the class. Can't wait.
Nothing yet for the rest of the week until the weekend my BFF, her 8 week old baby girl and her husband are coming into town from the Bay area. I can't wait.
Watch me hear about the new job while I'm SUPER busy and have no time for starting a new job. So be it. Bring it!!!
"It was not easy to make a decision as we really enjoyed the interview and your personality. We decided to hire another candidate as she lives close to (city) and she doesn't have any kids. We went back and forth on that. We also thought that you would get bored in the office at some point if it didn't get more challenging."
Ok. great. thanks for discriminating against me because of where I live and because I have a child.
Uh yeah- that's actually illegal (I have interviewed thousands in my career and that's Interviewing 101). Did they ask you if you have kids in the interview? Did they actually put that in writing?
They said, "And you're a mom, right?" as if it was a good thing during the interview (part of my job would be herding cats and i think they thought a mother would be better qualified).
yes, I have that in writing, in black and white.
During the interview they also said they had interviewed "some women in their 50s and they weren't young enough because we want the office to be more dynamic and people in their upper 30s to mid 40s are just more dynamic".
Guess I dont' want to work there but I'm angry. Discrimination of any kind is intolerable.
Well- probably more pain than its worth to you right now- but you quite literally have a discrimination case (including about where you live) bow tied and gift wrapped for you there. All they are supposed to do is outline the time commitments of the job and ask if you are able to meet them. What they have done is a big, big, no-no.
It's lousy that this happened to you (or anyone else). Frankly, from what you're saying, you probably wouldn't want to work there anyway. That is not a good indicator of an organization that treats its employees well.
I agree that it's not a good indicator of an organization that treats its employees well. thanks for your expertise in this area.
I can't imagine chasing any kind of law suit against a place who didn't hire me and where I obviously no longer want to work. I mean, where would that get me?
I do kind of want to send them an email saying that they DO clearly need someone in charge of HR because of their horribly illegal hiring practices... but it's not worth my time I guess.
I feel flattened.
D called tonight to say goodnight and she kept saying how much she hated this separation and how much she missed me and how she just wanted a hug. I started to cry again. I would do anything to have her home with me where she doesn't have to be away from me. Before this separation she and I were never apart for more than 2 days MAX. I hate calling to say good night to my baby.
All of that with D is making me bitter towards H. Very bitter. How can you walk away when there's so much potential, so much possibility? And how can he do this to her? How?
