I can see it now on Super Millionaire, the 10 Million Dollar question "How to restore Desire for Sex". Of course everyone would be crying foul with such a question, since no ones knows the answer to this.
Really, this is a question I struggle with to. I keep thinking, why go to all the trouble of trying to figure out my wifes needs, try to build a great marriage with the wife, have her make some little improvements, only to have her drop off again. Go through all this work of getting closer to her, only to have to face eventual divorce when she still can't meet my needs? How do you fix our wifes problem with desire and then actually KEEP it fixed?
As far as I can tell, restoring true desire really never happens. The LD spouse must realize that THEY must make major changes in the way they treat affection and sex. It will ALWAYS be work for them. So it is the responsibility of the HD spouse to make it as easy as possible for the LD to fullfill the need for sex. Here are things that HD spouses can do to help their LD spouse out:
1) Take over some chores. 2) Learn THEIR love language. 3) Meet their needs. 4) Help to clear their minds (particularly LD women). 5) Schedule sex as well as schedule nonsexual time. 6) Remove pressure to perform. 7) Be romantic 24 hours a day!!!
SuperDave, it really comes down to the LD spouse making the commitment to change. We HD spouse try to help, but we are pretty much powerless over this situation, which REALLY, REALLY sucks. The LD spouse ALWAYS runs the marriage. Without change on their part, the HD spouse only has the option to divorce. I have heard 2 different men call into Dr. Laura and ask her for advice on how to restore affection and desire in women that have none, and unfortunately Dr. Laura told these guys to "Stay in the marriage until the children leave home. Then you have a very tough decision to make". She knows that it is the women that must make a commitment to change in relationships like ours, otherwise NOTHING is going to happen. These are not things I want to here from her, but it pretty much is the truth.
