Do I ask him about it? Like why doesn't he grow a pair and just file already???
Ummmm....Shining......why don't YOU grow a pair and file already??
Do you really want to show him - or your kids - that it's ok for him to be married to you but out there dating multiple women?
I know you hope for restoration of your marriage, but oddly enough, that's usually MORE likely to happen if you stand up for yourself and don't allow them to disrespect you.
You can approach it in a straightforward but non-snarky way: "H, I received a call from a coworker about your online dating profile. I would appreciate it if you would hurry up and file for divorce (Or, alternatively, "I am going to be filing for divorce next week and just wanted to give you a heads up")."
This was not a 20 year marriage. There are other red flags in his past history. Odds are that the "perfect" husband he seemed to be early in your relationship was actually a mirage.
If he really IS that great guy, he'll return to his senses eventually, and being divorced would not stop him from returning if you were the love of his life. But it's also possible that he's someone who just can't keep up the facade for more than a few years. And he would have to do a BOATLOAD of work before it would be acceptable to reconcile with him.
So get your legal and financial freedom, throw a monkey wrench into his fantasy that he can date all these women and you'll still be waiting in the wings as plan B, and let him face the consequences of his actions - the only possible way for growth to occur (although never guaranteed).
