What to do when an EA involved?

[25yearsmlc]

I think I went into a protection mode while trying to detach.... And this is exactly why,

I sent her a text today and said "I'm going to try and hold onto the house" and got back "lol i was just about to tell you to go ahead and list it, why the change of mind" so i said "i love the house and i'm not ready to let it go" and got back "ok but i want to make sure you're doing it for you and not me"

Want to talk about hulk smashing an olive branch.

Your expectations are what got to you. Lose those for now. That's NOT the same as saying "lose all hope", it is saying not to await a reaction from her and hinge your happiness that day on what she says in a given moment.

That will become part of your life as you learn to detach. Besides, some detachment inside a WORKING MARRIAGE isn't a bad thing. My h was in a lousy mood last night b/c of a work related issue and was snappy at me and the kids. I reminded him not to take out his understandable work frustrations, on us.

And then I detached.

In your situation, it's imperative that you detach or you'll really go nuts AND push her away. Stop the expectations and you won't be disappointed.

DOWN THE ROAD, you can change this up but for now, have NO expectations.

Have you hired a DB coach yet? They're Godsends, although you may not feel ready.

I say that b/c only TOTAL honesty with them will get you where you need to go.

I do hope you will read over my posts. They were time consuming to write (but are a lot faster to read!)) Try to put yourself in your wife's position sometimes.

IT's good practice for basic empathy and it will remind you how you got here, AND to not take everything she says so literally OR personally. Plus she'll feel more understood by you.

make sense?