Train, roll on ...

[Train]

EXACTLY what my W thinks my focus is and will always be should we R...
And (sigh), to her credit, it's really hard to keep the focus OFF of it. (Obviously.)

Is it that . . . your marriage suddenly feels very . . . tenuous? Like "Oh my, if you weren't in a bad place then, then how -- just 3 months later -- could you come and crash my world down??!" THAT sort of thing?
Does it tell you anything that when I read this part of your post, Starsky, I started crying? Yes, yes. That's EXACTLY it.

I know it may not seem like it, but I felt - in that moment - that I *was* trying to get to the root of one of our pre-A issues. I didn't feel I was trying to punish him. However, I was, looking back, off the mark. Or maybe it's the way I handled it. I need to learn to STFU, but then I feel like I'm becoming a robot, denying myself my feelings ... or rug-sweeping ... and constantly trying to figure out the next thing to say in a validating way. I'm tired of feeling like a robot. I'm tired of having to suck-up my feelings. I'm tired of walking on eggshells and watching everything I say.

I wanted to be able to think back to the time period ... and for him to give me something - ANYTHING - that was going wrong in our M at that time while I was clearly out in LaLa Land thinking everything was okay (not blissfully happy, but at least okay). I thought that might give me an indication of something - ANYTHING - for me to know this time around. I mean, I feel now the same way I felt then. He's acting now, for the most part, just like he was acting then, as far as seeming content.

So, yes, you hit the nail on the head. As always.

I'm reeling a bit today myself.
You? Reeling? Are you trying to tell me - after all this time - that you're actually human? Seriously, Starsky, you alright, man?

How about . . . (((((hugs)))))
(((((Hugs))))) right back to you, brother.