I'm back from MC, it's the first time we've been in several months and by far the most productive session ever. Too bad the focus was on separation and not reconciling. But still, I'm at peace with the what I said and how I conducted myself, I was calm and honest, I only cried a teeny bit ;-) and I had clearly thought through things. H on the other hand, had clearly not spent much time thinking about anything other than how many bedrooms he was going to rent.
When we discussed how to tell the kids and I asked how to handle it when they asked if "dad had a girlfriend" - that's the way D11 will phrase it, D16 will be a lot more blunt -- that seemed to take H by total surprise. Duh.... they aren't 4 years old, they are going to ask. I made it clear that although I wasn't going to throw him under the bus, he needed to take responsibility for his own actions without blaming me. I told him I'd happily deflect questions about that area to him "you need to speak with dad about that" but that he had to tell me what he was going to say. I said I'd back up however he wanted to handle it as long as he was being honest. He just seemed totally at a loss as to what to say, so we didn't really resolve that part.
We went to lunch afterwards, and he talked a little more about apartment shopping, his favorite subject these days, and how at the place he wanted the pool was closed for repairs. Big whoop, we have a pool in our backyard, it's not like the condo pool is going to be special to the kids.
Overall, I was happy with the afternoon, I expressed some things I've been holding in, and he commented that he noticed some changes in me. I'm just not sure that without changes in him, too, I actually care.
