His happy may not be the same as your happy. He may be content living the way he is and he may never admit that he made a mistake in leaving you.
I think you nailed it Job. ^^^^^^
And, I know this and it hurts. This is a man who was really, truly incapable of being more than he was. His life is waking up, smoking some grass, going to work, come home, smoking some more grass...drinking a few beers...watching football and going to bed.
Where I would ask for someone to come and install, professionally, a fix for a problem at the house...he would use duct tape.
I think he is limited in what he can actually do in terms of functioning as a normal human being.
I know he is relieved and probably happier with this life. He has always been content with much less than I am. He has the life he always wanted...no kids, a skank with fake boobs, all the grass he can smoke and a steady paycheck. That' what he wants in life.
What hurts is knowing that I couldn't be the one to "Make" him happy. This other woman is a much better fit for a pot-smoking load who really wants to put NO energy into parenting or being in a truly intimate relationship. He is happier.
It hurts that it wasn't me who could make him happy. But, when I look at the lifestyle he wants...this fits him so much better...I just couldn't live like that. I want more.
I think I am the love of his life...but, I think he is choosing this lifestyle over love, commitment and responsibility. That's what's appealing. My mom actually said it best right after I discovered the affair with the fellow drug-addled skank..."He isn't choosing her over you...he is choosing the that lifestyle over you and the kids."
That really fits...because he didn't just abandon me...he left his life, his kids, his dog, his everything.
And, I know, when he has thought about us and our life here...it isn't appealing in any way.
I have to get past the part where I feel that somehow I wasn't enough...not sexy enough, not whatever...part of me still feels like I must be worthless to have someone abandon me for someone else and, then, be happier. This, however, isn't a guy who really knows what happy is...he knows how to get through the day. That's what he does...he gets through the day.
I want more.
The kids have gone with my Dad on a shopping trip. I am alone!! I may have a good cry and pack and maybe even nap. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
