So, yesterday I was not feeling well, called my Dr and told her whats going on ... and she wanted me to go straight to ER. Off I went ... let W know as she was pressuring me to call and get an appt etc .... in a strange sick way, it was like old times, her naggin me to do something, nagging because she cares. (I take this as a positive) SO I get to ER , let her know I was there ... once inside I had no service, finally after 6 hours of tests and all that they released me, W left several TM and a couple VM ... I TM her back apologizing that there was no service, and I was on my way to get S .... she called asking what happened, I told her. she offered to keep S for the night but I told her I was ok and knew she had things going on ... but thanked her for the gesture. S called as normal, she told him to give me a big hug, and to pray for me ... again .. not reading into it but I do feel like this is good, was not long ago she said she felt nothing for me ... but this shows otherwise. I drop S off this morning, she gave me a big hug and told me how worried she was about me, I reassured her I was ok, just not feeling well and I would be fine, she asked what was on my mind .. ofcourse I wanted to tell her that I just wish we were together and past this but I didnt I just avoided the R talk ... she later told me that she was trying (Not sure, but she does seem to be letting the guard down a bit as of late, I have not been cold .. just cautious) ..... I remembered to wish her well on her phone interview and told her good luck and I believed in her (Got that from a sermon and it really seemed to be the right things to say to her, especially at that time and she really seemed to appreciate it.) She has TM a bit today, inviting me to Legoland with S, telling me about the potential new job, also the fact she needs to come up with alot of $$ for her brother, I did offer to look into my 401K ... I do want to help and am not doing it just to gain favor, I let it go after I offered figured she would need to think about it.
So ... all things considered .. I think my little trip to the ER did reveal she does care, I do get the feeling she hates being alone, but I know she has much to go through, a few tunnels yet to travel ... as I too have things I still need to work on. God willing, I pray we can get through all this and begin a new life ... I hold out hope for that and I know its a long ways away but looking at my calendar .... this month is full of + marks ... has only one - and that was PMS day, a day I handled better than in the past now atleast tracking these things gives me a small warning notice and allows me to at the least make it to the spew center.lol.
