Coming from the LD woman perspective, I'd say your first shot at figuring out your wife's LD state could be more related to 'respect' than keeping the house clean or adding on a bathroom. I'd say the 'lack of respect' on BOTH the part of you and your wife is contributing to the demise of your love life.
Why do I say that. I personally feel that the saying 'familiarity breeds contempt' is more true than any of us are comfortable admitting. I think to a certain degree couples take one another for granted, and in so doing, unwittingly kill the desire between them.
Before I really understood what ML meant to my H, in terms of it being his love language, I allowed my misinterpretation of his need for desire, affection, and sex to develop in me a complete disdain for him as my H, and him as a man. This, in turn, set up reciprocal feelings from him toward me as his wife and as a woman.
Can I site for you countless examples of how he could have changed his approach, his methods of communicating to me his needs, etc.? Yes, of course I can. But sitting here today, I'm not sure they would have made a difference then because I lacked critical understanding of what it meant to be married.
I think both women AND men have an entirely skewed perception of marriage, and what it will take on the part of both parties to stay together and to keep their love alive and thriving. And I think the critical ingredient that is often missing is not love or desire, but respect. True respect fuels desire AND love. Practicing respect for your spouse every day takes a lot of effort, too, because it is just too easy to let it slip, take that spouse for granted because we have vowed to one another to stick around for the rest of our lives... and we both KNOW it. We think to ourselves, "in absence of abuse, addictive behaviors and affairs, I will honor my promise to stay married to this person for the rest of my life." I think that is how a lot of people think of their wedding vows!! In so doing, respect goes flying out the window, not to mention happiness.
Having said all of this, I think you may be attacking the problem from the wrong angle. If you continue to bring up your sex starved state, I think your wife is going to pull farther and farther away from you because she does not understand your need for it. Or, she will begin to barter with you... "you add on the bathroom, I'll give you more sex. You help me clean more, to MY standards, and I'll ML to you more often." And I'll bet the farm, you'll do this, half-heartedly because you know she isn't going to keep up her end of the bargain -- in other words, you don't respect her enough to keep her end of the bargain... and she MAY try at first to ML more often, but it will begin to dwindle because she still takes you for granted, the respect is missing, and the two of you are going to be more pissed off and resentful than had you never made the bargain to begin with.
I'm telling you honestly, at least for me, it wasn't about my H picking up his underware and socks, or doing more around the house -- because in all honesty, he DOES do a lot around here and always has -- it was about me learning HOW to respect my H, and learning how to demonstrate that respect.
Do not sit there and tell me that if she gave you more sex you would respect her more. I'm sure you would. Unfortunately, the respect comes first, and it has to come every day, in countless little ways, in order to keep that desire and love alive.
You figure out the 'respect' issue and I'm willing to bet the SSM state is going to take care of itself.
I'm sure you would. Unfortunately, the respect comes first, and it has to come every day, in countless little ways, in order to keep that desire and love alive.
