Taking D7 to school this morning and we were listening to Kool and the Gang's Celebration (she loves funk music so we're exploring that genre - LOL) and there's a line in there about dedication. She asked me what it meant.
D: What does dedication mean? Me: Well it sort of means to stick to something. Like you keep going to karate and working hard and sticking with it... that's dedication. D: So it's like staying together. Me: Yeah. D: Seems like you and dad didn't have a lot of dedication. Me: [shocked silent] D: But you're just separated, not divorced. I really hope you don't get a divorce. Me: Me too, babe. D: I REALLY don't want you to get a divorce. Me: I know, babe, but sometimes adults need plenty of space in order to think about what is best. We're taking that space. I hate that you end up taking that space, too, but I feel like we're all doing a good job of handling it. What do you think? D: Yeah. I just want daddy to move back home so we can be a family again. Be dedicated again. Me: I know.
Ugh, she spends the weekend at H's place and I don't do well when she's not around. It's like her not being around rubs salt in the wound and i can hardly get out of bed. When she's here with me I'm fine. I'm positive, I'm listening to things like Celebration and Walking on Sunshine, I'm GAL, I'm meditating, I'm reading DR and The Solo Partner and working on me and the weak parts of our relationship...
When she's at his place I throw my hair in a pony tail and sit on the couch watching the clock tick until she comes home again.
I'm really concerned about H's IC. I'm just terrified it's going to convince him to file for D.
