Arcola, just got done reading your thread, I think you and I are very similar personality types; easy-going most of the time, I would ask if people have ever described you as passive or a pushover, because I have been described that way in the past. Part of the changes I've been trying to make during this deployment was to get better at standing up for myself and being more self-confident. My W has told me before to stop letting people walk all over me, and what I'm starting to realize is right now with her A, she's the biggest offender. I told her that after discovering the probable PA messages.
But similarly to your thread, I feel like I'm still putting on too much of the sad puppy dog pursuit mode by being available all the time, allowing her to snuggle up to me when we go to bed, and just letting things go even after having the, "I'm willing to work on our marriage, but not with a third person involved," conversation. She still is adamant that I'm making too much of the affair, and that they are not sleeping together. Don't believe anything she says right? When I asked her if she even wanted this marriage to work, she said she didn't know, that she was trying to figure out, "a million things going on in her head," but at least will admit that her A with the OM was a mistake (or she's just saying that because she got caught...twice).
And Starsky, when you said you were co-dependent on Arcola's thread, I've been thinking the same thing about me. All of, "our," friends are really her friends first. If I wanted to GAL and go out with people, I literally don't have anyone I know well enough around here to turn to. I've been relying on her for years to manage our social life. I might turn into that guy at the bar trying to talk to the bartender by myself, who knows?
I'm not sure if anything I said here was new or insightful, just needed an early morning release...
