Dealing with WAW part 6

[pilot]

So, "TURNS OUT" your gut was way off....right? She had a boring but valid reason for what she said and it meant Nothing about an OM.

To me this is a teachable moment I hope you won't ignore...[/color]

Maybe, maybe not. There really is no way of knowing WHY she did not want to have dinner. Working out could have been something she did just to pass the time while letting the kids play and see me for a bit. No mind reading

I actually initiated a hug on her and she was receptive.

okay but why? I'm a bit fuzzy about where we are with this pursuit versus showing her indifference but isn't a hug you initiate, Not so great an idea? Thank God she was receptive or you'd be spinning. Now, expect some pull back from her b/c she won't want you to "assume".

And please don't forget how you pushed for the divorce, a lot, and you can't really say you "took it back," b/c you SAID you wanted to.
...

I honestly have no idea what you mean here

I'm confused. You invited her knowing she could not accept and if she really wanted to, she'd have to change around a bunch of arrangements and leave her aunt in the lurch? But is it that you just wanted her to know you were not going to have another woman with you again? IS that your reasoning? Geez, you do spend energy on manipulating outcomes...do you see all the maneuvering here?

I don't know that it's "wrong", per se. It just strikes me as not really authentic or too gamey. I could be wrong. Just a GUT thing.

[/color]

Perhaps I was not clear or what I typed was easily misunderstood. Yes, I knew she had planned on working with her aunt this Sunday prior to me asking her to come on the boat. One of the main reasons I asked her to come along, and I believe I phrased it after finding out she was working was something like "oh, well, I was gonna say you should come boating with us because it is going to be a lot of fun"...etc. No manipulation intended. Last week when the boat trip first came up I phrased it like "WE are renting a boat to go to...." and "WE want to take the kids out on the boat..." This was when my mood was sour, and I was still in the 'its ok if she thinks I am moving on with someone else' phase. I was ok with, and almost encouraging her to THINK there was someone else. I journaled about this. By inviting her, I am letting her know there is not another LF going along, and she did ask if our mutual friends with kids were going, and I said yes. I say mostly, because part of me would like it if she went. Therefore, I could not say my SOLE reason... Believe me, I spent zero energy manipulating. This was spur of the moment conversation. Had I had a few seconds to think I probably would have not asked because of the 'pursuit' angle. I just saw an opportunity to maybe try and undo some of the damage I probably did by artificially inserting a LF over the past few weeks.

how could she accept then and there even if she wanted to?[/color]

she could. remember, over the summer when I was up at her house visiting, she had asked me if I was going to stay multiple days. I said prob just one night. We had some troubles. I was going to leave that morning, then something happened and we spent the next 2 hours or so cuddled on the couch. I eventually said if she wanted, I would stay and take her out on date that night. She went into her room and made phone calls to try and find someone to cover for her at her job that night. She has made the effort in the past. She has it in her. I am not expecting her to though. If she does, it will be a positive. If she does not, it is not necessarily a negative.

I'm afraid to say "yes" b/c I think you'll start putting ultra mich's all around. What did you say to her?

Haha...very funny. I simply meant it never occurred to me when she asked me that she might be 'searching' for something other than plain interest in my choice of beverage consumption.

BTW, What was the LF doing in your boat? If the situation were reversed, and she had OM in a boat driving around and had "his" beer still there, you would assume it was a date, like the rest of the world would assume...

I do not have a boat. The beer was in my fridge from the previous week. I simply put the extra beers in the cooler before my W and I went to the beach. I typically drink Coors light (TWINS!) So me having Ultra was something different. I think I said something along the lines of I was trying something different...which in large part, is true. I was trying a different beer.