Heather, Ur, AJ...thank you. You are so very right. It's just so hard to want to do the right thing, take the high road and at the same time "take off the gloves". It's just so hard to look at my W and see the evil, valueless person she has become. The unbelievable selfishness. I tried so very hard to see her as in "crisis", in pain. Now I need to forget all that, realize that like a drowning person her pain and fear will take everyone around her that tries to save her down with her. She will listen to a man that took everything from her mother, her brother and even herself. He tells her that she's just looking out for herself, that she, like him, "deserves" everything she can get and she has become just like him. She has forgotten her own mother and now calls the woman who broke up her parents M "mom". She uses the fact that she knows I will do what's best for my D14 to just blow her off, knowing I will be there to take up the slack without a single thought. Come to my home, eat my food, pretend to be decent so I would allow her to get even more "stuff" that she doesn't need or deserve. She feels zero guilt, zero thoughts that she was "wrong" to leave a 21 year M or any thought of the damage she has caused. I will not allow her to just get away with this. I will use any means I can find to stop her.
Julie, I have been trying to not speak to her about the D at all and just allow my lawyer to take care of it. I will not initiate any contact with her that's certain. I wouldn't have anything good to say anyway. As for the journals and calling my W's mental state into the process, I haven't yet spoken to him about that. I just found the journals this last weekend before I heard from my lawyer. I will bring it up tomorrow when I speak with him (or his assistant). My D's know about it. My D19 remembers her mothers actions and to this day thinks of her mother as "undependable". She remembers waiting for her mother to pick her up when she was in Middle school until it was dark and she was all alone because she "forgot" or was "busy". As for D14, she doesn't remember very much as she was younger and didn't get the brunt of her mothers sickness. Right now I really think my D14 likes the fact that her mother has more income to spend on her than I do and that she lives so close to her school. It helps her think things are fine with her mom because I have come to rescue her when her mother has not cared enough to bother putting herself out for her. Like giving her rides to school and picking her up when it was really hot or raining. She just sees that I will be there to take up the slack when her mother doesn't bother, just like I have been doing for years. Of course she doesn't mind staying with her mother, she knows she still will have me if she needs me! Also it's only been a month that she has been switching, too soon to realize what a pain it is. Too soon to see that her mother wants to control where she goes for holidays, when she can go on vacations, where she has to be and when. One of the things we agreed to was she wouldn't put all those type of things in the decree. That we could be "flexible" but just like everything else, she put her every move in the decree! As for what she will think if her mothers mental state comes out, I guess it's better than being stuck with a mother unable to handle taking care of her!
Thanks everyone. I'm beginning to get a handle on this. Just another ruined day because of my W's crap! I will not let her into my head anymore. I will insist that my lawyer start to fight harder!
