Wife Still in MLC but has now left #4

[AJM]

Know what I hear? I hear you had expectations that weren't met. And you're angry about it. You expected her to keep her word and she didn't. You are angry about that.

But if you step back a little, you may see the bigger picture. You may be able to see what's important to you, vs. the expectations of how your W will act. Vs. what you want and what you need.

Your marriage as you know it is over. Period. Your W is not somebody you know nor can trust. Period.

So now what? Do you get angry and aggressive? Do you become or remain passive?

Those are really the questions you're asking, Matt.

But honestly, it comes down to what you need going forward.

Am I just angry due to her not keeping her word so not seeing this right?

Yes, you are angry. Rightfully so, but what to do about it?

If you look at the longer term view, I think you'll see what you need to do that's right for you, vs. what you may have been doing for the short term.

The sooner you stop believing she's going to keep her word (a nut-job keeping their word? During a divorce? Really??) the sooner you can move to do what is right for you and your daughters.

Your W is going to get angry. She's going to fight for what she wants. She is going to try all kinds of thing to get them. She's going to blame you, make up things you may have never done, etc. She'll act nicely when she wants something. In short, she'll continue to do what has worked for her in the past.

I suggest you rip those buttons out of the socket and remove that ability. The money? The house? Things Matt. In time, she'll let those things go if they are too difficult to go after.

Figure out what you will and won't do and the cost you're willing to pay to do or prevent them. Then take your actions. Without emotions.

In negotiation, emotion is your enemy. Not the other person. Emotion. And time is your friend. Remember that, Matt. It's important.

Start with expecting her to do whatever she is going to do. You'll either have your expectations met or be pleasantly surprised, but you'll stop worrying about it. You'll stop thinking and acting like she is going to be reasonable etc. She's already proven that's not going to happen.

Remember also that she is trying to heal herself. Sometimes at your expense. You aren't helping if you enable that. You aren't helping if you are trying to help.

It's time for you, Matt, to do what is right for you and reset your expectations to zero.

Expect her to try and take advantage. Expect her to lie. Expect her to try whatever she can to get what she wants at this point in time.

But whatever you do, step back and see the bigger picture before it kills you with anger and frustration. It's not worth that.

AJ