I guess it just hurts a little that there is no room for me. Why do I care???
First off, you DON'T KNOW what's going on in his mind. Neither does he. So, what he is thinking about and whom...well, that is open to wide speculation.
Falling out of love with someone is hard. It hurts. He has been in the background of your life for a long time.
I know you want a happy ending. We all do. But, be aware that your happy ending may look a little differently than you expected. And, this pain you are feeling may be the thing that opens the door to your new life.
It hurts. No way around it. It just does. What your H has done is despicable on so many levels. He has broken your heart and the hearts of your children. Sounds like he knows it, but lacks the ability to do much about it in the way of helping you and the kids heal. He probably feels a bit relieved that you vented because you put the words out there and now he doesn't have to feel the unspoken burden of his guilt.
I vented a lot to Smokey in the beginning. A lot. Even when I tried to DB, I ended up unleashing my wrath. I see now that it didn't matter as far as the marriage was concerned. I don't think much of what we do changes their behavior when it comes to MLC. Some of the venting was cathartic because it allowed me to hand his crazy back to him. In other ways, it kept me stuck...waiting for him to see the light, come to his senses...And, as I look back...I can see how I took his crazy and doubled it/quadrupled it and I feel a bit sick.
Looking to the wounder to heal the wound never works.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
