Wife having emotional affair part 2

[sandi2]

My question is this to you all. Is this a bad thing for me to do. Always being there for her when she needs me. Does she need to know she is losing me in that aspect when she is divorcing me. Or is it good because she is reaching out to me. And calling me in her time of need. Obviously I must be doing something right if she is calling me instead of OM.

Well I may stand apart from the majority of people here on the board, but I think other WAW'S might agree with me, IDK. As long as she makes no attemps at ending her A, i am not in much favor of being avaiable to her. B/c the sooner she gets a taste of reality, the sooner she stands a chance of coming out of the fog. That could mean seeing life without you, or her and OM having to deal with true daily problems together......all the time.

First of all, I noticed you have mentioned her calling you as a positive or that it means you must be doing something right. Not necessarily so, especially if she is the type who needs to vent her frustrations by talking it out. Has she always done it?
It isn't a sign or a step or anything other than you were the available person to hear all her problems. She saves her best times for him. It is not hard to do when she doesn't have to live with him.

The WAW in an A makes everything about "her". She will cheat on her H and leave him for OM. Then call H to tell him what a hard time she's having......and expects sympathy from him! I ask you.......is that rational? But here's the real kicker. She gives only the best part to her affair partner. She is going to give him her sweetness and encouragement, smiles & laughter, warmth & affection, gentleness & softness, whispers & sighs, etc. & etc......all positive all the time. She only shows him her best side b/c that's what women do when they fall in love .....or trying to get a man. She wants to impress him to believe she's wonderful all the time. Otherwise, there's a chance he might not want to be with her.

So, what is she going to do with the other stuff she deals with? Who does she turn to when she's angry, depressed, demanding, b'tching, upset, complaining, discouraged, sad, encounter problems, etc., etc.? Who gets all the bad parts? I think you know.

The WAW in an A learns to get her needs met by both men, H and OM. H takes care of kids and housing needs......and maybe supply family togetherness from time to time. He is her pin cushion whenever she has the need to stick somebody with her nasty words. He's her target whenever she has a grip. He's a shoulder whenever she needs to cry. He's her ears when she needs to vent. He is often her plumber, electrician, auto repairman, handyman, etc. I could go on, but you get the picture. Do you see how she gets all her needs met by two different men? But he gets her more positive side and you get the more negative.

So don't misinterpret what she's doing. I suggest you stop being quite as available.