Feels like an eternity (Mindsin - part. 3)

[mindsin]

This ^^ is wonderful news. Congratulations!

Thank you, and thank you for taking the time to reply to this. I read it just in time before I said anything back to her.

See, MY problem with this^^ is that I, 25, am NOT sure she's going to be with OM. I have to trust that you are right on this, but I'm not at all sure you are.

IF you are not right and you blow her off, then you're really blowing it.

But let's assume you are correct in your assumption that she will be with OM (so tell me why she lies to you about it?)

She doesn't lie to me. In fact, she has made the point on several occasions that she has been 100% truthful in everything since she told me about [OM]. She simply doesn't point it out nowadays in order to spare my feelings. She's even told me that the reason why she doesn't tell me where she's going with [OM] is because just that -- to spare my feelings. She said this to me last week.

See if she were throwing him in your face, declaring that he is THE ONE for her, it'd be something you have to confront.

She's not throwing him in my face, but she did in fact declare that they are "soulmates", etc. She has previously told me that she considered just leaving me and NOT saying anything about the OM. In fact, one of her best friends suggested just that. She decided otherwise because she said she felt it was best to just be honest and up front about it.

But do you ever wonder if she is 1) NOT seeing him, and that's why she makes such an effort to explain where she'll be, and never mentions him, OR 2) she is trying him out and seeing if your changes are real?

I'm not saying either way, but I sure don't like making choices in a vacuum.

1) No chance. There is no way that she would simply be playing games with me just to get me to change or to see if I can change.

2) Possible. All the talk about being soulmates, etc., is typical WAW talk. I know.

So you are angry that she assumes you have no plans for the weekend? IF it were me, I'd be angry that she was with another man, even if I knew I'd shoved her that way.

That's of course a given. She knows that. She doesn't need me to tell her that I'm not happy that she's with another man.

Have you ever told her that you REALL GET IT NOW, that you must have hurt her a lot b/c you now know how it feels?

In the beginning, yes. Several times, both verbally and through e-mail.

IF your assumption about her being with OM is accurate, there's NOTHING to say. There is no way she thinks you are okay with being with him. It only serves to weaken your position to have to say anything about it, AGAIN, as if you are clearing up her perception of you as her bff... I am with Sandi on this. Say nothing. Plus if you are not going to DO anything about it and she knows how you feel, it's wasted words...not appealing.

IF you are really SURE of this^^ OM issue, please ask your DB coach about what action to take, if any, but do NOT tell her the above.

Ok, I won't say anything. I will not focus on her and her activities. I will only focus on me.

Maybe you should make some plans. In fact I would and I would not mention them specifically to her. Be vague but excited about what YOU will be doing while she's on her sunset cruse (and tell me what her job is that a sunset cruise is part of the deal.)

No, this is has nothing to do with work. She is spending the day in the city with the OM going on a food/cultural tour, then spending the evening on this cruise around the harbor. She spelled this out in the e-mail.'

I could make plans, but I'm afraid she might think I'm doing it out of spite just to interfere with her plans. She would be forced to ask her parents to watch our kids, and she may be uncomfortable doing so. "Hey dad, I'm going to spend the day with [OM] so can you watch the kids"? I don't think that'll happen. Her parents object to the OM and my W knows it.