Yes h and I have always had contact...longest I went without contacting him was 8 days the entire time we'd been separated. I was bad in that I forced communication on him though I could hear him on the other end telling our son no I don't want to talk to mom...I made son give him the phone.
As of June 03 though when I started db'ing, I've not contacted him, waited for him to call. If I call him now it is with a legitimate question or concern not to find out where he is...if he doesn't call me back now I don't care I go on. In the past I would call him until I got him and then drive to his place for good measure...bad me.
I want to thank you for all of your help today. I was working myself into a tizzy, and that doesn't help me deal with any of this mess.
I am not ignoring your last post to me. There is a lot to it and I have read it more than once.
I am a born again believer who hasn't been in a church since her first D. I never felt God could forgive me for that and I have carried that with me ever since. Actually I KNOW God can forgive me, but I guess I couldn't forgive me. So lots to think about.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I have to say I am doing good w/the conatact thing now. I had it bad in the beginning but the more I stooped initiating the easier it became.Sometimes, like last nite when his cell comes up on caller ID, i just tell tell S get the phone, it is daddy. he said let me sapeak to mom. I got on the phone and said let me call you after i get out of the shower and he called me 4x's before i got the chance to call him. He said he wanted to talk about my S's B-Ball game earlier that evening. My S had a bad game and H is a coach. After the game he and my S had it out. When S got in the car w/me he said H was using prfanity when he spoke with him and he was upset. My initial reaction was to call him and let him have it. I have learned not to speak to him when I am angry so I din't call. He mentioned the convo with S when he called and I said, I totally support you in everything you are trying to teach S about working hard and being a better sport. I thank you for being a coach and a great day but it is upsetting for him to hear you use prafanity because he has feelings and wants to be treated the same way that we wish to be treated. When we use prafanity usually the point soesn't come across because we are so busy focusing on I can't believe h/s is speaking to me like this. He agreed and said that he apologized and I said great. He said well I will see you guys tomorrow. I'll be with S while you are at your LITTLE tennis lesson!(haha) I did end the convo w/ILY and he said it back.
The other funny thing is that at the B-ball game i needed a pen and told S to ask someone and he asked H. H comes over and says why do you needs a pen? I said to keep S's stats. Do you have one? he said, no. I think I thought I was exchanging #'s w/someone.
H and I busy getting things together to move in. He reserved our apartment Tuesday so we come together in June. Busy making plans and preparing, packing up, discarding stuff.
Things between h and I are good. We have disagreement but his 180 is to talk it out! He's very affectionate, calls me sometimes 4 times a day. We talk most evenings for about 45 minutes/1 hour.
It's going great. We have plans to spend Easter as a family, then to go to the ball game Tuesday then to a football game next sunday. (he actually remembered I wanted to go to the football game and surprised me with tickets!)
Well, the story gets worse. I called the woman. That was such a stupid thing to do. I didn't get to speak with her because she probably recognized that it was my # on the caller ID box and wouldn't answer. She probably told H that I think your wife called here. He was as cold as ice this morning. I said why are you so angry? He wouldn't give me ananswer because he doesn't want to admit to the A. He is till in the denying mode. I don't know wether he is more angry for getting caught or about what he is doing! He just stands by , it's nothing.....I feel like this is the end. He will probably file for D now in anger. Why do we do such stupid things that we know will set us back?
No, I can not eat or sleep. I have lost about 10 lbs. I only weighed about 115 soak and wet from the beginning.I look so thin. I will call the doctor.I can not focus or concentrate but I do have a couple of people in my corner to talk to.
I've been through this stage...trying to get h to realize his wrong. You have to do it cause there is nothing you can do to stop yourself...you are so hurt, so angry, you lash out at h. It's a phase...one I've gone through. I called the ow too and talked to her. After she found out about me, she quickly lost interest in h...she thought we were d'd already. Poor woman.
Anyway, love is stronger than any dumb stuff you do now. Apologize to h for your behavior and move on.
Nitaf, you got to remember that there will be no winners in this if you continue to have the mentality that YOU are responsible for your h's decisions. There is nothing you can do to influence the choices he's making now or in the future. It is his decision. You can only do for you right now. Don't look for anymore info on ow. The more you bring up ow the better she will look to him. Right now your h sees you as the needy one...not ow. You've GOT to turn the tables!!! Next time you feel the urge to vindicate yourself or to show h how wrong he is....DON't. I can tell you right now that it will not get you closer to h!
Let go, girl! Let h go for your own peace of mind. Have faith...he'll come back as you make yourself more attractively unavailable.
