Why, oh, way can't my W give me just a LITTLE break? I need to stop thinking about my D, her, my D's and think about making some money!
My lawyer called me and left a message. I can't believe what she is doing! She actually said that I cashed in my retirement "against her wishes" (yeah, at the time she had just told me that she would NEVER leave the M so I would get a vasectomy and the only thing she said was "Are you sure you should do that? Maybe it would be better if you didn't." I told her that we would need the extra cash and that was the only conversation we had on it). If she had said "Well, I'm thinking of leaving you so..." I wouldn't have done it! She is claiming that she is paying ALL of D's expenses, school lunches, medical, etc. Well, so far she has paid $30 toward school lunches and only because she didn't tell me HOW to add to it! She paid $50 for contacts (my D has glasses, she doesn't NEED contacts!) and $40, toward a DR. vist! (that came out of a HSA that by rights is community property). I bought school clothes for her and she had plenty of clothes when my W left just 2 months ago!
I can't believe her. From the start of this she said I could keep the house. It was why I agreed to let her put my D14 into the school closest to HER, (I thought if I had the house it would give SOME stability to my D14 and D19!) I am the one put out by her, driving 30 miles every day I have D14 for school! It was why I let her keep ALL of our best furniture. I just can't believe her! And to think I let her back into my home last weekend. She did it with no notice because she knew I hadn't heard her lawyers response yet and she knew if I had I wouldn't have let her! She can't be trusted. She was the one who said that D doesn't hurt kids as long as the parents behave well! This is not behaving well. This is lying and thieving! I just can't be nice to her at all anymore! It just backfires on me every time. I don't want to be like that. I don't want to act like this is some kind of "war" but that is what she is turning it into!
Every time I think that maybe, just maybe things are quieting down, she does something like this! NO MORE! I need to fight for what is mine, I'm done with the selfishness. She may be in MLC and not be able to see what she is doing but I can! And unless the court buys into her lies (which is possible. Women seem to have the upper hand in this state!) she will succeed!
I also found an old journal that I kept when my W first became depressed.(W wanted to go through her books and I found it in a book case) I only read a small part of it but it brought back all the memories of how she acted, the way she hurt our D's, me, herself! The way she was so unable to function. How she stopped doing anything, no cooking, no cleaning, no picking up the kids from school, all she did was play video games, sleep and moan about her life and how unfair everything is! All that pain came flooding back. The worry if she would still be alive since she kept saying how she wasn't sure she wanted to go on. The days I got calls from the school when she was still picking them up to say she just didn't show up and they couldn't reach her. (Turned out she fell asleep at her mothers house). How my older D (who was 13 at the time) started acting out because her mother wouldn't pay any attention to her except to yell at her! It made me feel like maybe I SHOULD be glad to be rid of her! Now this!
I'm tired. I'm done "standing". I'm done being the nice guy. The amount of work that this house (which is paid for) needs now, let alone over the next 4 years, will more than offset any amount she would get if it was sold today, as is (if it even could be!). It needs a new roof, new A/C, new floors in most of the house. The septic will need work. The foundation is in need of repair. Now, instead of making it nicer and "my own" I will have to put my money into it and she will benefit! No way! Not after all I gave up. I can't stand this any more. I can't believe this is the person who I loved and cared for for all those years. Through years of depression/anxiety. After this I don't think I will EVER be able to have any kind of relationship with her. I can't see co-parenting with her with the attitude she has had so far. I am starting to think I should bring up her mental state in relation to being able to care for her D14. I didn't want to do that. I wanted to think that maybe she will be able to handle things on her own but now I wonder. If she is willing to lie, to say she is paying "all" of D's expenses which to date don't add up to much and have come from community funds (except the $30 in lunches) and really believe she is being put out by this, I'm starting to think she is losing her grip on reality..again! It was just several months ago when she said that she wasn't sure she "..wanted to go on.." just like when she was so badly depressed. Well, I don't think she ever got over her depression and I know she wasn't able to care for even herself back them, let alone a 14 year old D!
Tell me, am I not seeing this right? Am I just angry due to her not keeping her word so not seeing this right? Or am I right in thinking it's time to bring out everything. The depression, the fact that she expressed that she may not want to live just months ago? That she is still on AD's (as far as I know at least) and how she behaved when she was at her worst? I didn't want to do that. I wanted to do this in a way that gave her the benefit of the doubt. I let her have so much. Let her have her way over and again and now this! Tell me that I am doing the right thing and not just acting out of her being so very unfair. She has gone back on every thing we have agreed to now from the start. Just like with the vasectomy she just "changed her mind" I suppose after I have given up everything already that was important.
What do I do in your opinions? Do I stop trying to be more than fair now that i KNOW she is willing to lie (although since she is in MLC she may actually believe her lies are true! God knows she has rewritten history so very much and seems to believe her version!) or do I stop and start fighting back. I'm at a cross-roads people. Help me see which way is the best way to move forward!
