I just went back and spent a great amount of time re-reading thread after thread about my situation from 4 years ago. 25yrsmlc spent a lot of time commenting on my posts. I can see where I did not listen. There were things I did right did but I see now my greatest mistake... I let H come home without doing HIS work first. I worked a lot on myself while my H was living with OW for 8 months...bible studies, counseling, GAL, etc. H really came back suddenly after mentioning many times he was miserable and unhappy living with OW. I think I may have been so happy i didn't want to wreck anything by demanding too much.
We went to addiction bible study group and church. That was it. He would not go to counseling I or Couple. He thinks counseling is a joke. Would also not address his issues with drinking...even at my request. I prayed and prayed this would work out.
There was much remorse on H's part along with several apologies and being transparent. We spent a lot of time in discussions and went to 3 marriage weekends.
Things have been good...not easy but good. There have been times H would come home and I would notice he had been drinking and probably lying about where he was. We would talk the next day and I would explain why this was a trigger for me and remind of all the nights I waited for him to come home and he wouldn't etc.
Anyway...about a month ago..H started coming late and smelling like alcohol more often then not. Then a few nights of not coming home at all. Finally, I had to see for myself.... there he was back at the bar where it all began...
He was there drinking/drunk and OW was working...he would not even look at me as I tapped him on the shoulder. I finally left because I was so embarressed and humiliated.
That night he didn't come home...but the next day he does says he sorry and goes to bed. WOW! Thats all I got.
I asked the next day if he was in contact with OW... he claims no.
Fast forward two weeks I get a hold of his phone and YES he has had contact with her. I confront-he denies and I AM DONE!
I really cant go through this again. the lies, the drinking and the OW.
I really don't want to D but he once again says HE doens't want to get divorced, wants his life back. I asked what are you willing to do this time...He said he would rather gouge his eyes out than go to counseling...so I guess I am done.
I don't know how this could ever improve without it. He does not want to know the reason why he did it...he even says he doesn't know. ( I know I already started another thread..sorry)
So, I am much stronger this time. I did the work.. Even after we R'd. I will be okay. I never wanted this though....i fought tooth and nail last time to save our marriage...now its his turn I believe.
