You have it precisely BACKWARDS, Tar. Until she IS transparent, she's very likely not going to maintain no-contact.
And until she maintains no-contact, she's not going to have her feelings for you return.
And she's using her feelings for you as her benchmark as to whether or not she wants to be "all in".
Look, you're looking for a way out of this, because you're FEARFUL. I GET IT -- I was too! But until you're MORE concerned about doing what it takes to separate the addict from the source of her addiction, and LESS concerned about your wife throwing the (common, 100% SCRIPT) "controlling!" accusation at you . . .
. . . you're going to get nowhere.
You need to just rip this Band-Aid off, and when your wife gives you the whole "YOU'RE SO CONTROLLING!" thing, push back with "I understand you feel that way. I would find it uncomfortable too. But I told you I needed this, you AGREED to do it, and I'm afraid this is a dealbreaker for me."
IF, of course, it really is a dealbreaker. Only YOU can decide that.
