What your H said was calculated to manipulate and punish. No, going to an L does not create necessity to proceed. You did not cause this.

Your M can't be saved if your H would rather gouge his eyes out.

People can only change if they want to change and are willing to do the work. Unfortunately they can't be changed by anyone else, just themselves.

Hugs. Do work on detachment. You can love him while still not allowing him to mistreat you.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.