But at the same time, I can't in good conscience let an affair continue unabated while she's living under my roof (and possibly once I go back to work conduct the affair under my roof).
Boundaries are about what you can control- the affair will continue whether your "let" it or not. What you can control is where you live (or where the W lives, if she is willing to leave the home) while it continues. If your boundary is not living together while the A continues, then set that boundary, but you've got to be prepared to back it up by leaving yourself in the event she continues the A and doesn't move out. Otherwise, as has been pointed out to me, you lose all credibility. Just make sure that's 100% what you want first- everything I read here says its a lot easier to DB and GAL while you are together, and physically separating is perhaps best saved as part of TLR (The Last Resort) or going dark. It's damn hard right now, but it DOES get better and easier to deal with- that's what everybody here has shown me.
Me: 45 W:43 M: 15, T:21 2 Kids- S-14, D-12 A Started: 10/2013 Discovered as EA: 6/2014, as PA: 7/2014 A changing, not ending Start DB'ing 9/2014 Same house, same bed
