Hi 2B, IMO I wouldn't leave the ring and poem. I read the same poem and it brought tears to my eyes. My first thought was how I would love to leave it in one of the boxes that my W is waiting to pick up so she will read it when she unpacks. Then I realized that is just not going to have anything close to the desired effect! The MLCer just isn't able to think rationally. They do not have the same kind of reactions to those types of things that a "normal" person does! Instead of it making them think about the past, the love you shared, etc., all it will do is make them angry. Most likely all it will do is "prove" that you just don't get what HE is going through. That all you care about is YOU and you just don't get what he needs to do for him! There you go again, only thinking of yourself, trying to "guilt" him. He will think why can't you just understand and leave him alone. Of course even if a part of him does feel the emotions that a "normal" person would all that will do is cause him to feel "pressured". You want something he isn't wanting to give right now and he will feel that pressure. It is a type of pursuit and you how they feel about that!
Back soon after B-day, before I found DB, I read a poem about a couple growing old together. It was very emotional, sweet, etc. My W used to talk about us when we were old, how we would still be in love and finish each others sentences, take care of each other, feel each others pain, etc. It was something that was important and meaningful to her "old" self. How she actually looked forward to that time in our lives. So, what did I do? Well, I sent her an email copy of that poem, of course! I just knew it would make her think, that she would remember when she would talk about just this subject. What was her response? Well, she got angry, of course! She was very bugged by it and just deleted it. She even mentioned in a text to her friend that I was trying to guilt her...again!
My W was the same way when she lived at home about my GAL activities. She even told me on B-day that a big part of what she was so unhappy with me about was that I didn't do ENOUGH outside activities without her. She said she wanted me to go out and do the very things I started to do. That I needed more of a separate life from her. But, when I did those things she would get bugged. React with hostility. On one of my first outings she even told me I was "lying" about what I was doing! That she just "knew' that I wasn't telling her the "truth" about something. All I did was go out to a meetup group and have a few beers with a bunch of other men! She wanted me to go out with other people but got upset when I did it. That is normal MLC behavior, 2B. They want you to be as miserable as they are.
I wish it were otherwise, 2B, really I do. I know it's so hard to imagine your h reading that poem, seeing the ring and NOT thinking the type of thoughts you would expect. My W before MLC would have been in tears reading that poem. She is the type that cries at movies! All that changed on B-day and it's going to be a long trip back until she would ever have that reaction again, if ever! Of course, each person is different and you know your sitch better than anyone else. I just don't think it will do anything and actually could hurt things.
